And you know what? That’s normal and expected. I’ll tell you why in the beginning of this article.

We stop feeling guilty or shaming ourselves for doubting ourselves when we know why our confidence is shaken when we start the entrepreneurial journey.

Then we’ll talk about the 7 ways to increase your confidence as a new entrepreneur! In the end, I’ll tell you which way has made the biggest difference for me!

Why is our confidence shaken when we start trying to turn a profit from our passion?

All our life we have been guided down a carefully laid path towards the 9-5 life.

Think about it. From the time we enter school at the age of 4 or 5, we have been told what to do, when, and how to do it well if we want to get stars or A’s or praise from the adults in our lives.

If you were like me, you learned how to excel at this really quickly.

Related articles:

• The Key Mindset Shift for a Profitable Business
• Should I Pursue My Dream? An Incredible Exercise For The Answer
• 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should

Being a straight-A student decreases our confidence as an entrepreneur

I was a straight-A student, which looking back I realize means that I learned how to follow instructions really, REALLY well.

That skillset is great for the 9-5 world. For the most part, we are following instructions.

But what about entrepreneurship? What happens when we decide to turn a profit from our passion so that we can ultimately leave the 9-5?

All of the sudden, there is no one giving us instructions anymore. There is no longer a clear path to the result we want.

This can feel really unsettling.

I know it did for me.

I felt unbalanced, confused, and unsure of heading down any direction in case it turn out to be the wrong direction (link to fear of failure post).

This shook my confidence to the core.

What if I did the wrong thing? How do I even know what the right thing is? Am I crazy to do this?

What was worse is that I felt weak for thinking this.

I thought, “I’m sure so-and-so didn’t feel like this when they were starting their business!”

The secret to entrepreneurship

But let me let you in on a little secret that I’ve learned over the years… most people who are just starting down the entrepreneurial path do not feel confident in the beginning.

Why? Because remember that we’ve all had the same educational experience that has taught us to follow instructions.

Sadly, those of us who were straight-A students learned this more and so experience a greater shock to our confidence when we start trying to turn a profit from our passion.

C-students didn’t learn this as well and so actually don’t experience this much of a shock to their confidence when they start their entrepreneurial journey. The first time I recognized this, I regretted not being a C-student in school!

So point being:

If you have your confidence shaken, it’s normal, expected, and nothing to feel guilty about, especially since there are 7 ways to increase your confidence as a new entrepreneur!

7 ways to increase your confidence as a new entrepreneur

1. Visualization of the person you want to become

Did you know our mind can’t tell the difference between reality and imagination?

Because of this, when we exercise only in our imagination, our muscles actually increase in size almost as much as if we were actually working out. Pretty crazy! This experiment has been repeated and proven over and over.

So much so that professional athletes like Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, Allyson Felix, Ronaldinho and Lindsey Vonn use visualization regularly to improve their game.

Other professionals that also use visualization are Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, and Jim Carrey.

So by doing visualization, you’re in good company!

What’s happening when we do visualization is that we are training our brain with new neural pathways of behaving.

You may not be able to go out and be confident on a live Instagram training every day, but you can visualize a live Instagram training 7 times a day.

That’s 7 times more experiences every day of being confident.

And since our brain can’t tell the difference between reality and imagination, the next time you do a live Instagram training in real life, your brain will run that confident script.

Happy visualizing Goddess!

2. Reading books by people you look up to see that they didn’t have it all easy-peasy either

Maybe you don’t have a lot of people in your life to look up to as you’re starting this journey.

I didn’t have any business people in my life when I was starting to make a profit from my passion. So I didn’t have any references for how I was supposed to act or think. I didn’t know if my doubts or fears were normal.

Reading books about people like Winston Churchill, Cleopatra, Jen Sincero, Elizabeth Gilbert, Robin Sharma, was a great way for me to have this inspiration and guidance in my life.

3. Invest in a coach to fast-track your success and give you that support and accountability

Investing in a coach has been the greatest investment of my life. It’s been what has given me to the personal and business growth that I have today.

Looking back, I’m not sure I would have gotten to where I am today if I hadn’t invested in coaching.

Business was just too far removed from anything I’ve ever done before. I didn’t have the business skills yet and I certainly, and more importantly, didn’t have the personal and mindset skills yet.

Coaching provides both of this!

On top, it provides support, motivation, and accountability which is so important when we are going through that difficult phase in the beginning of starting our business! If you’d like to learn how we could coach you to make a profit from your passion so you could leave your 9-5, find a time for us to chat without any obligations.

4. Take bold action even, and especially, when it’s scary – you’ll see how much you’re capable of

Do you remember the first time you hit a home run? Or if you weren’t sporty, do you remember the first time you made dinner?

Remember how proud you felt? How you stood a little taller and thought, “Wow I did that! Yay me!”

That’s what I’m talking about here.

When we take action, even before we’re ready, we feel proud. We realize how much we’re capable of and our confidence grows.

5. Cut out or decrease the people in your life who make you feel insecure.

The environment we place ourselves in is really important when we are starting our entrepreneurial journey.

Why? Look at it like this: It’s pretty hard to increase our confidence if we have downers and doubters in our life.

If we have people in our life who are constantly questioning what we are doing and expressing their doubts whether we’ll ever make it work, it can be pretty hard to change.

Some people are able to use these doubters as fuel and think, “I’ll show you!” I’m not such a person. If that’s you, amazing! Regardless, I recommend monitoring how much time you spend with these people.

Entrepreneurship will test you enough that between being pulled in so many directions, you may not have the strength to push back against these doubters all the time.

Take power poses in front of the mirror – think Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham) in the last season of Ted Lasso

Power poses are fun and can really help, especially when we do them right before we take an action.

Power poses work because they increase our testosterone and decrease our cortisol (stress hormone). This means that when then do that task, we feel more powerful and less stressed. A great combination for a confident goddess!

Celebrate your wins

This reminds you of all the successes you’ve been having.

This one was huge for me in the beginning. As a perfectionist, I thought I was never doing enough. This kind of attitude was actually affecting my performance and my results.

My first coach actually recommended that I start writing down three wins every day. I noticed how much I actually am doing, especially things that scared me. Within a short period of time, my confidence grew because I learned how to recognize and think, “Wow look at me go! Look at all the things I’m doing now that were so scary or unimaginable just a month ago!”

No one has time to do all of these every day. We wouldn’t have time to actually grow our new business if we did all of these every day!

So instead, see which ones work best for you and stick to those for at least 30 days. When those 30 days are up, you’ll be surprised by how much more confident you are in yourself and your ability to take action to make a profit from your passion!

By the way, can you guess which one is my favourite?

It’s visualization!

While I do all the other ones every now and then, I try to visualize every day.

It’s made the biggest difference to my life and has given me the confidence to take massive action in making my passion into profit!

The most important thing to remember:

Remember, no one is born with confidence. It’s created.

Go out there and create it!

The post 7 Incredible Ways to Increase Your Confidence as a New Entrepreneur first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

My journey was pretty different before I figured out my true passion

This was me a couple of years ago. I had worked so hard to a job as a medical editor. I had finished medical school and was working at a 9-5 while I was studying for my licensing exams.

But the problem was that I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

I kept thinking, “Is this it? Is this what all my hard work was for? Two weeks’ vacation and following the orders of someone else? Binging Netflix every night, trying to catch up over the weekends, but feeling like there is never enough time before Monday comes swinging back around.”

No matter how I turned it, I found myself reading Psychology Today, MindBodyGreen, and reading self-help books on my second laptop with a privacy screen while at work.

I dreamed of doing something more, of making an impact in the world – way past that little open-concept cubicle I had.

Doubting whether I truly wanted to continue down a path toward residency, I began to think medicine wasn’t for me anymore.

But the problem was that I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do instead.

I had spent so long on the medicine path that I couldn’t fathom what else was even possible.

It all reached a boiling point when I woke up one day and couldn’t put any clothes on.

Binge-eating and gaining over 25 pounds due to misery, I developed anxiety and spent most nights lying awake, unable to sleep.

I made a decision right then and there, that things would change…I would make them change.

Related articles:

• Powerful Books to Inspire Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubt
• The Key Mindset Shift for a Profitable Business
• 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should

First, I needed to figure out which passion to turn to profit

Before I could turn my passion into a profitable business, the first part was figuring out what actually was my passion.

I did so many exercises to figure it out. Read tons of books. I went to therapy.

Over all this time, these are the 3 exercises that made the biggest difference to me.

They made me cry. I was reminded of who I am. They reminded me of my dreams before society told me what was possible.

These are some of the best exercises that my clients do when they’re also in phase one of building their business: finding what their true passion is.

How to do these exercises:

These exercises require you to look into yourself and be honest with yourself. No one is going to see what you write. No one will judge you or your answers.

So don’t hold yourself back.

Write whatever comes to mind from your heart, no matter how surprising it may be to you or how “impossible” it may seem right now.

This is what you can do to help yourself so you write from the heart and realize your true passion:

Do it when you don’t have any distractions. So maybe you’re alone at home or just in a quiet room in the house.

It can help if you tell your housemates to give you a bit of time without interrupting. Otherwise, make the time to be by yourself at home.

Then get comfy. This doesn’t have to mean sweatpants and a hoodie.

It’s whatever you feel comfortable and yourself in. So for example, I’m not a sweatpants and hoodie kind of girl. I feel most comfortable in my ivory lounge pants and a loose white dress shirt.

Then get into a comfortable position. Again, this is whatever it means for you. Maybe it’s in your favourite rocking chair or your place on the couch or propped up with a couple of pillows on your bed under a mountain of covers.

Then with your paper and pencil in front of you, take a couple deep breaths, smile, and get started in figuring out which passion to turn into a profitable business.

Finding which passion to turn to a profitable business – 3 life-changing exercises

Exercise one: 7-year-old you

Think back to when you were 7 years old.

Think about what she is doing, where is she, what is she thinking, what are her dreams, and what is she like.

Really immerse yourself back into that 7-year-old you and think about these answers.

Are you living right now in a way that 7-year-old would be proud of and I’m honoring her with the way I’m living right now?

If I were to go back right now and tell her what you are doing, would she be happy?

If she wouldn’t, what do you think she would be happy to hear you were doing?

I chose a 7-year-old because a 7-year-old is old enough to know what makes her happy, but young enough that she hasn’t ingrained all the societal expectations and “shoulds” that are keeping us stuck in our lane now as adults.

When I did this exercise, I cried.

I remembered that 7-year-old girl and she was so happy. She was always dancing, always laughing. So full of dreams, so full of hope and energy.

But as an adult, I was the exact opposite. This broke my heart a little bit. I desired to go back and hug that little girl, but, more than anything, I longed to be hugged by her. I wanted her to hug me so could remember who I used to be.

This exercise made me determined to honor that girl and made me realize that I want to do something that would make me genuinely happy. True, dancing like no one is watching happy.

My 7-year-old self deserved it.

Exercise two: 10 000 hours of fun

What was something you loved doing and spent hours doing BEFORE you started thinking about what you “SHOULD” be doing?

This is that stuff that you did during childhood that you loved doing. You didn’t need anybody to tell you to do it. You just did it because you loved. What that was?

Why am I saying 10,000 hours – what’s this 10,000 hours number? It’s 10,000 hours because the research has shown that that’s the number of hours of practice that it takes to reach genius level quality of doing anything.

For me, for example, when I was doing this exercise before I started coaching is, I thought to myself, “What were my 10,000 hours?” What came up was writing and reading self-help books.

I started reading self-help/self-development/self-improvement books really young.

The reason we’re talking about childhood and not when you were a teenager is because this is when you genuinely did things because you loved them and not because you thought you should be doing them or you thought, “I can make a successful career out of this or you thought this is a good way to make that. 80K per year.”

Exercise 3: What makes you cry?

This is one of my favourites. When I was watching the Masterclass by Sara Blakely, this is one of the questions she recommended for when you wanted to create a business.

What is the problem in the world or in the community that makes you get emotional?

The reason we do this is because this shows what is deeply, deeply important to you. Something that moves you so much that it moves you to tears.

This shows if there is something that you want to make an impact in the world by doing.

When I did this exercise, I saw that what makes me cry is injustice in the world and when women have been taught to play small.

Women who are extraordinary, but don’t see it because they have been taught to be the good girl their whole lives – to be quiet, but not too quiet, never loud though; never offend anyone; make everyone comfortable; to be a good mother, good wife, good daughter; that that means sacrificing their own happiness for others; to not be too flirty, but also not to be a prude.

Basically to mold themselves into a tight box that in the process has them lose themselves.

Because I was one of these women at one point, it infuriates me when I women sells herself short.

This showed me that my passion is to help these women rebecome their true selves.

To let that goddess inside them ROAR and SOAR!

To leave the confines of a 9-5, and make a living doing their passion!

What about you – what makes you cry?

Do I need to do all three exercises?

Each of these exercises serves a purpose and shows us a part of ourselves that we forgot.

The first exercise showed me how happy I used to be and reminded me that I want to be this again.

The second exercise showed me that I already have so much knowledge in writing and self-development.

The first exercise focused my skills to a direction – helping women make their passion into a reality business!

Put together, they give you which passion you could turn into a profitable business!

Key point:

We live in an incredible time in history.

It has never been easier for a woman to break free of all expectations placed ON her and follow only her expectations of herself.

With all the available resources online, it has never been easier to turn your passion into a profitable business.

And it all starts with figuring out what your passion is.

Happy journalling GODDESS!

The post How to discover your passion to turn into a profitable business in 2024 – The Ultimate Guide first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

I decided to create a profitable business from my passion!

I was determined, excited, and ready to make it happen!

But as I sat there at my desk with my hand hovering over the “Post” button on Instagram, I couldn’t find the strength to click it.

Andddd click!

Nope.

That’s pretty much how most of my early posting went.

It was exhausting & frustrating.

I knew I wanted to do it. That it was my purpose to help other women ditch the 9-5 life. I knew I would regret it if I didn’t go after my dream.

So what was keeping me from posting? From building my dream business & life?

What keeps us from moving forward even when really want to?

It was something that was drilled into us from an early age.

Think back.

What’s the worst thing you can do in school?

Fail.

What’s the worst thing you can do in sports?

Strike out.

And the better students we are, the more A’s we get, the more the system rewards and reinforces this behavior of never failing.

This is the same reason I believe that women who weren’t straight-A students, like I was, actually have an advantage when it comes to creating a business.

It’s because that “never fail” mentality was never rewarded and therefore that behavior was not reinforced.

How that fear of failure is created:

Remember Pavlov’s dog?

Yes, just like that.

Don’t fail = reward = behavior repeated

I was also super drilled into this during medical school. Failing can have disastrous results as a doctor, so we made sure to NEVER fail.

This carries from school into our 9-5 life.

How fear of failure works well in the 9-5 world

We don’t want to fail at work. We want to complete our work really well.

Because failing can cost us our job, our security, our paycheck.

But the problem happens when we no longer want to live the 9-5 life.

Rather, when we CAN’T live the 9-5 life anymore.

That’s what happened to me.

I knew I couldn’t stay in a career that was no longer fulfilling to me. That was making me miserable.

Especially, when I knew I wanted more.

Fear of failure is standing in the way of creating a profitable business from our passion

But the problem is: Compared to school or corporate, failing is a prerequisite to success in business.

And based on my experience of failing to post, I knew that I would have to overcome my fear of failure if I were to stand any chance of making a profit from my passion – coaching.

So here’s how overcame my fear of failure:

1. I recognized where it was coming from & spent time disentangling the shame & guilt associated with failing.
2. I empowered myself to seek moments of failure & reward myself for progress, not results.
3. I let go of the limiting beliefs that failing meant something negative about me & that others would think negatively about me.
4. I made sure my strategy was tailored to my ideal client, my personality, & the type of business I wanted to create. So that I can show up with consistency & excitement to attract clients who are excited to work with me.

Creating this shift change my life

Today things look a little different.

The thought of failing rarely comes into my mind because I’m too busy doing what I love – helping women make a profitable business from their passion so they too can leave their 9-5.

While travelling the world. 😉

And when I do think of failure, it gives me a little thrill of excitement because I know every failure is growth bringing me closer to my next goal, and the next one, and the next!

The post The Key Mindset Shift for a Profitable Business first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

When we realize that we have a new dream for ourselves and our life, we can feel such a crazy flurry of emotions. We want to share our excitement with the people around us. We want to tell our friends and family about our new dream so they can share in the excitement.

We feel excited, empowered like we can fly, like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders, lighter, calmer and happier. Also, we feel nervous, a little scared, worried, hesitant, curious, and a little confused about how to move forward.

We also feel a little delicate

Essentially, we might be a little delicate. We’ve realized that the life we’re living is no longer serving us. It’s not making us happy and we wake up filled every day with dread instead of feeling excited and eager to face the challenges of the day. And we’ve realized that we want to follow our dream.

Related articles:

• Powerful Books to Inspire Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubt in 2021
• How and Why to Become an Early Morning Riser
• 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should

Often, it’s a dream we’ve always known we had. For example, we’ve always wanted to be a writer, but after hearing, “You can’t make a living doing that,” over and over, we decided to put our dream aside and become an accountant.

But the dream doesn’t want to stay aside, it’s always there within us, saying, “Remember me? I think we could have a good time together, I think you should give me a chance.”

Or maybe it’s a dream that you’re just realizing that you hold. Maybe you’ve realized that you want to move to Japan and open up a bakery there, after you learned how to make bread and spent two weeks in Japan. You just know that is what your dream is.

Whatever that dream is, when we realize it, we feel excited and ecstatic at the thought of living it. It can also seem crazy compared to the life we’re living right now. And when we decide to pursue it, there will still be doubts and fears.

Doubts and fear about our new dream

Obviously we’ll have doubts and fears. We’re starting something new, something that is different from what we were doing before. And with that there is a big learning curve, there is a new way of thinking to develop, and here are personal fears that we have to address before our dream can take off and become a reality.

We want to tell our family because we want to share our excitement

During this time, sometimes we want to tell our family about our new dream. We’re so excited about it and we want to have our loved ones share in that excitement. Or we’re a little nervous and we want to hear words of encouragement and support from our close friends and family.

Possible positive reaction

If we tell them while the dream is still new and fresh, we might get a positive reaction. It’s possible. We might hear words of excitement, support, and encouragement.

We might get questions about how we decided, how we think we’ll move forward, and maybe we’ll even get some good ideas.

It’s possible.

Possible well-intentioned negative reaction

However, it’s also possible that something else might happen.

Our friends and family care about us, and from the best of intentions, they might be hesitant about our dream. They might not understand it. If everyone in your friends and family is in business or corporate, telling them you want to travel to Tibet to paint goats might be outside of their understanding and their comfort zone.

They might ask things like:

Are you sure? I mean what do you really know about ____?
If it was such a good idea, wouldn’t somebody already be doing it?
Aren’t there enough _____ in the world?
What could you possibly add?
I don’t think you can make money doing that.
So what are you going to live off of?
Does [insert partner/spouse name] know about this?
But why? What is wrong with what you’re doing now?
What was the point of all that schooling?
Don’t you still have student loans to pay off?
That sounds really risky, are you sure you’ve thought about this?
Okay but how are you going to make this work?
It doesn’t really sound like you have a plan.
It doesn’t really sound like you’ve thought this through or know enough about this.

For the most part, these questions or statements are coming from a good place. They’re coming from a place of worry and concern about our wellbeing.

They’re also projections of their own fears.

When someone thinks that they themselves would never be able to create a successful business and they see it as a gargantuous task that only Harvard graduates can do, they project this fear and insecurity onto you and express concern about your ability to do it.

When someone is very concerned and insecure about their own finances, they project this fear onto you and express worry about whether you will be able to control your finances if you follow this dream.

The questions are really a projection of their own fears, spoken in the context of you and your dream.

But when we hear these questions, we don’t realize this.

Instead we think:

Oh, they don’t think I’m smart enough, capable enough, good enough.
Oh, they don’t think I can actually do this.
They think this is a crazy idea.
Oh yeah, maybe they have a point about money.
Yeah, I suppose I haven’t really thought about all the details about this.
Yes, I suppose my life isn’t so bad, I guess I could just stay where I am.
Yeah, this is my family, they know me so well. If they don’t think I can do it, maybe I can’t.

And even if we don’t realize that we are thinking this, their words, weigh down on us and cause us to be more hesitant, more nervous, and more scared.

And what was an exciting dream, slows down, and we think about putting it to the side again.

The benefits of waiting to tell our family about our new dream

So what is the difference between telling them right away and telling them a little later, when you’ve definitely decided on your dream and have gotten more sure about it.

Will they say something different?

No, they’ll probably say more or less the same thing regardless of when you tell them about your dream.

They don’t change. You do.

When you’ve been working on your dream for some time, the initial excitement that you felt has only increased, while the doubts and fears that you had at the beginning have slowly decreased.

Why? Because you’ve been working on your dream. You’ve researched and read and worked at it. Maybe you signed up for a course, hired a coach, researched into renting out a space, and worked on yourself and the way you think about success, your life, and your thoughts.

Over time, you’ve gotten more confident, you understand your dream, and you understand yourself more. You’ve come to learn where your insecurities come from and you’ve learned how to deal with them and continue working despite of them. And as a result, they’ve gotten quieter.

So what happens when you come and tell your family and friends that you’ve decided to pursue your dream?

When you tell your family about your new dream a little later, they’ll ask the same questions as they would have done had you told them earlier. Except that this time you’ll be able to understand where they are coming from.

Because you’ve done work on yourself and you’ve grown, you’re able to see their projections onto you. You’re able to see that what they’re saying and asking isn’t necessarily about you and it doesn’t reflect who you are.

You’re able to answer back with, “I understand that you’re worried. And thank you for that. I would probably be worried too if I was in your shoes. But know that I’ve been working on this for some time. I’m a smart person, and I’ve done the work the make sure that this is a real thing, and I’m continuing to do the work to make it happen. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have, but please know that I’m not going to change my mind. This is important to me, and I know I can make it work. I’d love to have your support, but I’ll continue doing this even without it.”

I waited until I knew there was no going back

I knew for many months that I was not going to do medicine, and that instead I was going to follow my dream of creating a coaching business, before I told my family.

My sister and my partner knew right away, a little bit later, I told my brother. But I knew there was going to be hesitancy in telling the rest of my family.

I waited about seven months before I told my family.

Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, said she waited a year and that’s the amount of time that she recommends.

I think I was pretty lucky with the reaction I got when I told my family. I had family members that said, “I think that’s amazing!” which was followed with questions and ideas. Other parts of my family asked why, why give up on medicine, an incredible and stable career, to go chasing after a dream. They asked me what the point of my education was, and they asked me what’s so different about my life in the coaching business versus a life in medicine. Why change?

Had I not been so sure about my coaching business, I would have felt insecure. I would have stumbled through my answered.

I had done the work on myself

However, I had done the work, I had paid for and completed two courses on creating a successful online business. I had read endless articles and books about how it all works. I had put in the time to put together all the parts of the business, such as creating the website, creating a sales funnel, and putting together a marketing plan.

But more than this, I had worked on myself by reading endless self-development books, I started listening constantly to Robin Sharma, I listened to Cathy Heller’s, Don’t Keep Your Day Job podcast, The Savvy Psychologist podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, Marie Forleo’s YouTube channel and many more. I learned where my mindset comes from and slowly I created a new one that actually serves me and the dream I have.

The result was that when I started telling people about my dream, even though I was nervous, I knew I was untouchable. I knew that whatever I heard, it would slide down my like the cassette tape down Chandler’s arm.

What I think would have happened if I told them earlier

Had I not done all of this work beforehand, I know I would have felt doubt, concern, and insecure in my ability to make this a success.

Up to you, but waiting till your dream is solidified and you feel comfortable with it, can be a positive thing.

A negative reaction is normal, but you can avoid it

It’s normal to want to share our excitement or get support when we feel concern when we are starting our dream.

It’s also normal for our friends and family to express concern when we tell them about our dream. They care about us, and while it comes from a good place, they may project their own concerns and insecurities onto you and your dream. Concerns and insecurities that may not have anything to do with you.

Working on yourself and your dream for a set amount of time, before telling friends and family, is a great way to solidify our dream – to give it and ourselves time to grow and stretch into this new space that we want to occupy.

That way when we do decide to tell our friends and family about our new dream (and we do eventually have to tell them – we’re not James Bond living a double life), we can welcome their questions and concerns, without feeling doubt in ourselves and without having our self-confidence shaken up.

How much time to wait?

How much time depends on you and how long it takes you to get to that point of feeling, “I’m ready.” You’ll still be nervous, of course, but you’ll know you’re ready. I suggest no longer than a year. At that point, you’re just procrastinating, and hiding out.

Still take as much time as you need, and know that regardless of whether they support you or not, you’re doing what is best for you. You’re being true to your dream and yourself, and while they can come on the journey with you, it’s not a prerequisite.

Did you tell your family about your new dream? How did it go? Comment below!

The post ‘To Tell Or Not To Tell’ Our Family About Our New Dream first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

When I’m working with my coaching clients, and we’re discussing how she can pursue her dream, the fear that comes up most often is, “What will people think? I don’t want anyone to find out.” This is the fear of judgement.

Who’s judging us?

But what people are we talking about – who are these people that we fear will judge us? When we’re talking about “these people,” we’re not talking about our close friends and family, specifically the people who we love and whose opinion we value.

We’re talking about the people outside of that, the casual friends, the people in our community, or the friends and family whose opinions we don’t value.

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We imagine what they will say and think. The discussions they will have between themselves about us. We know it will happen because we’ve been there while another person’s life was combed through and opinions were thoroughly given.

It makes us want to just continue what we’ve been doing, put our dreams in a filing cabinet under, “Guess not” and call it a day.

Why is this such a big fear?

Women, especially Type A women, have built a whole persona and identity as a successful, responsible, and all-around respectful woman. As such, we’ve created a life that fits with this persona. We’ve become doctors, lawyers, academics, successful corporate women, or anything else that is highly valued in our society. We’ve gotten the right apartment, the right car, the right partner.

It’s all nice and cozy with a pretty red bow on top.

And around us everyone says, “Wow, look at her, she’s really done it. She’s really successful, really smart, and she worked hard and well to get to where she is. She’s the idol for what I want my own girls to look like.”

Fear of judgement comes when we decide to veer off course

So when we decide that we don’t want this life anymore, that it’s not making us happy, and it’s not who we truly are, and we decide that we want to stop and pursue a dream we have instead, it can be very unsettling.

Because we are not doing something as simple as following our dream. In these instances, we feel like we are putting our whole identity up for question and judgement.

We’ve gotten used to people commenting on us and our life as it is now. So there is no reason to think that they won’t comment when we decide to do something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter what this dream is – whether it is writing, painting, starting a bakery, starting a coaching business, or any other kind of business, writing a screenplay, becoming an actress, opening a café, or whatever else our dream may be.

Just the fact that we are veering off the path that we are currently on, seems like an act of defiance and a way to have our whole identity open for criticism and judgement.

And I’m going to tell you, that’s is absolutely true. They’re going to judge you.

My own experience with the fear of judgement

When I decided to leave medicine to pursue my dream of having a coaching business where I help women unshackle and pursue their own true dream, I was terrified.

Although I did have some fears like:

What if it fails?
What if I don’t know enough?
Who am I to do this?
I don’t know anything about business – I come from science! I’ve never taken a business course in my life!
Even my therapist thinks I should continue onto medicine!

But my biggest fear was about people finding out. In my head, I could hear the conversations, that started with, “Oh my God, did you hear about Sonja?!”

And ended with, “Oh wow, that sucks, she probably couldn’t take the pressure. And to choose coaching of all things. That’s not even a thing.”

My bad solution to prevent judgement

So I played it small for a while. I didn’t really tell people about it. I tried not to be too flashy about it, not posting on social media about what I’m doing, not putting a lot of my own pictures on my website.

Eventually, I realized that this kind of thinking was holding me back. How am I supposed to create a business if no one knows about it? If the people who I’m afraid will judge me, can’t find me online, how can anyone else?

More than this, by not calling myself a coach right away, I wasn’t letting myself become this new identity, the new persona I wanted to be. And this comes across. In all the work you do to make your dream a reality. When we think, sure I’m writing right now, but I’m not actually a writer (if your dream is to be a writer for example), this comes across in our writing.

So I had to make a choice – was I going to keep playing small, not call myself a coach, and essentially hide, so I don’t risk judgment and embarrassment, or was I going to open it up, open my identity up for discussion and risk judgement and embarrassment for the sake of my dream?

Why we experience fear of judgement

Questioning the fear

To help us answer this question, these are some questions that we can ask ourselves. I’ve used some of them myself. When I was answering my own question whether to risk judgement for the sake of my dream or not.

What people? Who are these people who are going to judge you?
Are they your friends and family who you love and whose opinion is important to you? Because that’s a whole different topic.
Are they the kind of people that you enjoy being around? Are they positive, encouraging, and have a view about the world and life that you share?
Do they live the kind of life you want to be living?
Do you think they would be supportive of your dream?
Are they coming from a life that you are trying to get away from? Only they seem more than content with it?
Do you think having them in your life will hinder or propel forward your own dream?
Does their opinion mean it’s the truth?
Are they going to tell you their judgement straight to your face?
Is it any of your business what they say and think behind your back?
Is it any of your business to go around and find out what they are saying?
Why are they in your life?

How answering these questions helps

Answering these questions can help us realize that sure, there are people who are going to judge us. However, if they are not people who are on the same journey as us, who are living the kind of life that we are trying to get away from, and since most of them won’t tell you to your face what they are thinking about your new life, who cares.

It is absolutely none of your business what they are saying. You are leaving them behind and venturing out onto new lands, where you will meet new and interesting people who have the same hopes and dreams as you do. Who will propel your forward and let you bounce great ideas off of them.

What people who are judging you think, is completely irrelevant. So don’t let it hold you back.

An interesting thing that can happen

When we pursue our own dream, it gives the people around us permission to do the same.

We all live in communities. They don’t have to be physical communities, they can be a group of people that all go to the same church as we do, or the same background, or anything else that causes a group of people with some shared interest to hold similar set values and ideas. These values and ideas hold us in line.

When we decide to something new, we may be branching off from the values and ideas of this community.

For example, if this community believes having a good stable career, with a good and stable home is the path to happiness, branching off to become a painter, is bound to raise a few eyebrows, because it doesn’t go with the values and ideals.

But an interesting thing that happens, is that when you decide to do this, there is another member of that community, who also wants to do something else, who you just gave hope you. To whom you serve as an inspiration, to whom you just gave permission to follow their own path and be true to themselves.

That’s what is really inspiring when we take charge of our own path and dreams – we allow other people to do the same.

So wear it like a badge of honour – you’re doing something brave – let them judge

So if you’re hesitant to follow your dream because you fear judgement – you’re worried what people will think and how embarrassing that will be, remember that those people are not you.

They do not have the same dreams you have. Their opinion is not coming from a supportive and helpful place, and as a result, it’s irrelevant.

Don’t let it hold you back, and along the way, you’ll serve as an inspiration for other women who want to follow in their own dream!

Are you stopping yourself from pursuing your dream because you fear judgement from other people? Comment below to share!

The post How To Overcome The Fear Of Judgement first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

Coaching is a relatively new field and as such, many people aren’t really sure what coaching is or how coaching can help us.

Often people think that coaching is like therapy, or that it is like having a cheerleader, someone to believe in you and tell you that you can do it.

When we tell someone that we are about to start working with a coach, the first question we are often asked is, “Why? What sport are you starting?” *Faceplant*

It’s understandable why people are confused about coaching. This article is all about what coaching is, and what it isn’t, the point of coaching, and what to look for in a good coach.

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• The Surprising Reason I ‘Wasted’ My Medical Degree

What coaching is NOT

Let’s start by debunking the myths about what coaching is.

Coaching is not:

• Having a private cheerleader who only tells you you’re amazing
• A solution to all of your problems
• A way you can make your life better without doing any work
• Like therapy
• Criticism
• Listening to what you want to hear
• A quick fix
• A one size fits all approach
• Financial advising

How coaching can help you

Instead, coaching is about working together to help you build the kind of life you want based on a dream you have.

Often, people wonder about why they should get a coach at all, why can’t they do it by themselves. And that’s a great question! The thing is, that if it were about the information, you would already be living the life you want.

It’s not a question of more information

All the information is out there. At the end of our fingertips, through Google, we can get all the information we could ever possibly want.

And yet, if you’re not living the kind of life you dream of, it’s not an information problem.

Instead, it’s a combination of information and beliefs. We can decide to spend the next 5 years of our lives learning, Googling and reading books. We can then take another 5 years trying to work through our limiting beliefs on our own.

After 10 years, if we’ve done it correctly, we might be able to move towards creating the dream life we want.

A coach is a way to get that shortcut – it’s a way to  fast track your dream to start creating it right now. Coaching have done the work. They have the information and they are able to tailor it to you.

More than this, they are able to hear what you are saying and know what is behind it. We are able to hear the limiting belief that stands behind a concern or worry, and then blast through it, debunking it, and then together creating a new belief that works.

The point of all of this is that you then do the work, put in the time, do the worksheets and exercises, and begin creating the kind of life you want and dream of right now. Instead of starting to live this life 10 years later if you were to do it alone.

Coaching can help you get to where you want to go faster. It’s a shortcut to get you to where you want to go.

How coaching helps us achieve

Coaching is interesting in the way it is able to help you get to living your dream.

It is different from therapy in that it does not look into your past and work there. Coaching works in the present, in order to create the future you want.

There are different coaches and different coaching methods.

My own personal method is a combination of being straightforward, encouraging, and looking past the words to get at the root of the problem.

Usually at the beginning of coaching, exercises are done, to see where you want to go. Goals are set and we create a direction that we want to go towards.

We create a plan and begin working on it. Along the way, fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs come up. “I’m not good enough. I keep on sabotaging myself. I start working and then it seems like there is so much other stuff to do. I’m worried what people will say about my dream.”

We work through all of these so that you are able to continue pursuing your dream and living the life you deserve.

Finding a great coach – what to look for in a coach

When choosing a coach, there are a few key things to look out for.

1. Do you like the person? It’s important to like your coach. If you don’t like them or think they are a good person, there’s going to be resistance and you’re not going to get the results you want or deserve.
2. You trust them. You believe what they are saying and believe they can get you the results you want.
3. They have experience doing this and are able to show you other clients they have had success with.
4. Good communication. You should be able to understand what your coach is saying. More than this, check what their policy is for getting in touch with them. Can you email them? Message them on Facebook?
5. Ask how they are prioritizing their own personal development. If the coach is asking you to work on yourself, check whether they are living by the same principles they are asking you to live by. It’s a fact that coaches that don’t value their own continuous growth have a lower ceiling than coaches that are constantly working to improve themselves.
6. Are they skilled in deep listening? You don’t want a coach that keeps interrupting you.
7. You feel like they understand you. Check whether you feel like the coach understands and knows where you are coming from. They understand how you are feeling and how you are struggling.
8. Are you excited and inspired by your discussion with the coach? And also a little bit scared? This is a key thing because it means that you’re inspired to grow, ready to commit to the process, and the scared part is important because it means you will stretch and grow through the coaching process.

What I look for when vetting a potential client

Did you know that when you’re talking to a coach about starting to work with them, that they’re evaluating you just as much as you are evaluating them?

It’s also important for the coach to work with people that are a good fit. I’ve definitely declined to work with some people because I felt that they were not a good fit.

It’s better that way for both of us. They’re not frustrated by not getting the results they want. And as my time is limited, I don’t spend time working with a client I can’t help. I instead spend my time with a client I can really help.

All coaching have different things that they are looking for.

What I’m looking for in a client

The key things I’m looking for when I’m vetting a potential client are:

1. Willingness to grow. Growing is scary and there can be some resistance. I can tell the difference between someone who wants to grow and will put in the work, despite being scared, and someone who is not yet ready to grow for whatever reason.
2. Positivity and hope. Positivity can be at an all-time low when clients first come to me. However, it’s possible while talking with someone to see whether they have passion, whether they are positive, but are having a hard time right now.
3. They’re a good person.
4. I trust them.
5. I know I can actually help them.

Coaching can really help because it is a great way to fast-track jumping forward to where you want to be in your life.

With so many coaches out there it is so important to do a consultation call before hiring anyone. Talking to a potential coach is a great way to get to know them, to see if they can help you, and to see whether you feel that perfect mix of excitement, inspiration, and a little scared!

What is holding you back from getting a coach? Comment below!

The post What is Coaching and Can It Really Help Me? first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

Waking up in the on-call room

The journey to the moment I ‘wasted’ my medical degree starts with one night in the ER.

I was sitting in the emergency room at 2:45 AM. I had just woken up an hour ago with a message on my phone that read: John Smith, 64, patient number: XXXX XXX, came in 20 minutes ago with severe abdominal pain, need you in the ER now.

One hour ago, in my little on-call room, I had turned on the computer, quickly reading through the patient file, writing down important notes before sprinting down 4 flights of stairs and down two corridors.  The hospital was surprisingly quiet during the night. Until I opened double ER doors with my badge and entered into a bustle of activity, monitors beeping, and instructions being dictated.

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Sprinting to the ER

I found my patient and spent the next half hour talking to him and his wife about what was going on. Afterwards, I had compiled all my data into a coherent message before I called my superior down to sign off on diagnosis and treatment.

And that’s how I found myself at 2:45AM on a swirly chair in the corner of a nurses station talking to my senior resident about my findings. I was lucky, the one with me tonight wasn’t that scary. She was actually pretty nice. We went through my differential and talked about next steps. Time passed on. I couldn’t help but think about my pillow upstairs.

At 3:30 AM, she said, “Hey I’m going to go grab a coffee from the vending machine, you want one?”

A slap in the face

And that’s when it happened.

It was like a slap and one of those zoom-out moments you see on movies where the person is flying backwards.

It was the moment when I realized, this isn’t normal.

It’s 3:30 AM, we should not be drinking coffee. We should not think that it is normal to power through, through exhaustion, no sleep, and belittle others who struggle with this gruesome pace.

Backstory: A journey through medicine

Getting to medical school, is an incredibly hard journey, like many other professions, like anything in academia leading up to and including a Ph.D., lawyer, dentist, pharmacist, high-end corporate, and many more.

The lesson we learn

And throughout all of it, the message is clear, “It sucks now, and it is what it is. Pull up your socks, get tougher, stick it out, work harder, and get through it.”

We quickly learn that it’s not okay to appear tired. We learn that we need to be tougher, and that if we don’t feel it, something is wrong with us.

Amongst all of this powering through for so many years, we often forget to ask ourselves, do I still want to do this? Is this what makes me happier than anything in the world?

Does this make me happier than anything in the world?

That night in the ER, I knew my answer. And it was, No. This doesn’t make me happier than anything in the world. I loved my time with that patient, I loved working through the patient case like it’s a puzzle and I’m the detective whose job it is to figure out what is going on beneath the surface of his skin. I even loved the adrenaline rush of running to a patient, knowing I can help them, which is why I got into medicine in the first place, to help people.

So I remember thinking to myself, why isn’t it enough?

And sometimes, there is no answer. Just like when you are in a relationship with the perfect person, who you love so much, and yet it’s not right. It’s not enough.

That’s the same as it was for me in medicine.

When I decided to leave medicine

It wasn’t that night that I decided not to do medicine. That night, I decided yet again to ignore that nudge from the universe. I decided it would be a shame if I wasted my medical degree when I had already put so much time and effort in.

And it cost me another 3 years of my life. It was actually 3 years after that night that I allowed myself to admit that it’s not right, that I can’t spend the rest of my life doing something that I have a love/hate relationship with. A relationship that was slowly destroying my mental health and my happiness.

Why I ‘wasted’ my medical degree

I wanted to be a doctor since I was a kid and I put a lot of time and effort to make it happen. So I never thought I would become a coach and that I would write an article titled: The Surprising Reason I ‘Wasted’ My Medical Degree.

However, we only have a short amount of time on Earth. And as the years go by, time speeds up, and it goes by so quickly.

I decided I was going to spend that time doing something that I have only a love relationship with. Something that lights me up every time I sit down to do it. Something that when I realized what it was felt like my whole life has been leading up to that point. A dream that makes the minutes and days fly by because I’m loving every minute of it. A dream that just feels….right.

What about you? Are you in a love/hate relationship with your life, or are you following your dream – doing that thing makes you feel like you are physically shining?

The post The Surprising Reason I ‘Wasted’ My Medical Degree first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

There are a lot of reasons that we might be hesitant to pursue our dream. We might be worried about whether it will fail, whether we will go broke, or whether we should just be happy with where we are. All valid questions, but they’re more the nitty gritty of things, they’re not the big picture, overall, life-altering question. This article will go into that life-altering question.

How this exercise came to life

I was once asked how many years ahead I plan and look towards. I said 20 years.

While I thought that was pretty standard and that everyone did that, by the facial expressions I saw staring back at me, it turns out, it’s not so much.

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Why we should look ahead 20 years

But I find this surprising. If we look at our life as the ocean and we’re a ship, with our brain the captain, isn’t it important to look forward, to make sure that we’re steering the ship where we want it to go?

Sure our immediate concern is not to hit an iceberg, but don’t we also want to see whether we want to steer north or south, or maybe east or west, or maybe someone completely new?

Looking 20 years ahead is not like looking into a crystal ball. In all those years, things will come up. The way we imagine our life in 20 years is not exactly how it will be, but if we look at the direction we’re steering our boat, we can have a pretty good idea.

The 2 exercises

So today’s article is all about looking forward 20 years in two parts. The first part is what 20 years will look like if we continue steering straight if we continue to stay on the path that we are on right now. And that might look amazing, it might be that you love how it looks! And that’s what we’re here to see right now. By doing this exercise, we can answer the question, “Should I pursue my dream?”

Exercise 1: Staying the course

Sit in a quiet space, somewhere where you are comfortable and won’t be interrupted for half an hour. Put a sign on your door that says, Enter at your own risk” if it helps!

Bring a notebook and pencil.

Write down what you are doing now in your life.

Here are some questions to answer that will get you started.

So in the ship analogy, this is the waters in which the boat is now.

Where do you live?
What is your job?
Who are your friends? Who is in your life right now? What do they do? How positive are they?
How do you spend your time? Do you go out, read, write, watch Netflix, go to the gym, dance, etc.
How do you eat? Do you eat out? Would you say you eat in a healthy way?
When was your last vacation? Have you planned your next one?
How are your finances? How much debt do you have, vs how much saved, vs how much invested?

Now if you steer straight, look forward 20 years.

How old are you now?
Where do you think you’ll be living? Which country, city vs village, house vs apartment?
Are you still working? Is it in the same industry? (This could be a probably or maybe answer)
Have you made new friends? Are you still friends with the same people as before? What do you think they are now doing?
How are you spending your time? What do you do during the weekends?
How often are you going on vacation? (Remember this is if you steer straight, not how much you would like to be going on vacation, but realistically how often compared with the rest of your supposed life in 20 years)
How do you eat? Are you still eating healthy? If you weren’t eating healthy before, would you be likely to change in 20 years?
Have you paid off your loans? Have you saved – how much? How much have you invested?
How much time is there left?

Look back over your answers. Do you like what you see?

Do you like the version of your life in 20 years? If you do, that’s amazing! Great on you! Rock on!! Keep going and keep at it!

However, if you don’t, look inward, think about that dream you have. Think about that thing you really want to do. Maybe it’s to write or paint or become an interior designer of fashion designer, or get a job at Vogue or the New York Times, or write a screenplay, or start your own investment company.

Think about that dream. Try not to let judgement or worries or fears in. Remember, you’re not doing anything right now, nothing is on the line, so there is nothing to fear right now. You’re just thinking about it.

Exercise 2: If veer of course and pursue our dream

If you were to decide to pursue your dream right now, that would mean taking that ship and changing direction.

Imagine heading in that direction, with that dream, and look 20 years.

What are you doing? What is your dream?
Who is around you? Have you met new people, have you stayed close with the people of your past?
How does a standard day in your life look?
Where are you living?
What do you do during your free time?
How are your finances?
How often do you go on vacation? What does a vacation look like in this new direction?
How do you eat? What is your favourite food?
How do you look?
How do you feel?

Look back over what you wrote. How do you feel right now? Did your facial expression change while you were writing?

What have you learned while writing this? About yourself, about what you want, about how you want to spend the next 20 years of your life.

And then ask yourself, “Should I pursue my dream?” Are you any clearer?

Now you have a choice

At this point, you have a choice, you can take the pieces of paper you’ve written down and shove them into a drawer, and ignore the trip you took down your dream 20 years ahead.

Or you can decide to linger there. You can decide to consider that you might want to captain your ship to steer into a new direction.

Starting to do this can seem scary at first, which is why I’ve created an incredible free guide for you to get you started on your way!

When we start doing something new, when we decide to veer off course and change direction, we might hear the shouting of, “Hey! Woah! Where you going! Wrong direction! That’s a scary path! Where do you think you’re going!”

And hearing all of this is normal. It’s based on certain beliefs we have about how our life should look and the direction it should take.

Decided to give your dream a chance is a brave decision and doing this guide is the first step to giving yourself a fighting chance.

Did you do the exercise? How did it go? Comment below to share!

The post Should I Pursue My Dream? An Incredible Exercise For The Answer first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

There’s this hidden image of what a successful adult should look like. When a person looks and acts a certain way, has a specific type of career, is living in a specific type of house or apartment, and is dating “correctly” or has a specific type of stable partner, we think they are adulting correctly.

There is a point between our early 20’s, when we are “figuring things out,” and a certain age, when we realize we’re adults. And yet, we don’t always feel like it. We think of how adults looked when we were young – they seemed like they had things figured out, and we don’t really feel like this. And yet, by all standards, we are adult women.

So, if we don’t really feel it, we decide to act like it. We decide to do adulting correctly. We look around and see what this means. So, we get a good job, start saving up, pay off our student loans, go out to dinners with friends, we save up to buy a car, and then an apartment, and we start saving for retirement. We are adulting correctly, regardless of whether we feel like adults or not.

When the problem arises

The problem arises when we no longer want to do it anymore. It’s not that we no longer want to be adults, it’s that the little life we’ve created, based on what we think adulting correctly looks like, is no longer making us happy. Maybe it never made us happy, but we were doing what was expected of us, and the praise for doing so, kept us going – at least for a little while.

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When we think that we want to leave all this and forge our own path, our own kind of life, based on a dream that we have, we start to freak out. Whether this dream is to become a writer, painter, baker, investor, start our own business, fashion designer, whatever, we start to freak out.

We freak out for many reasons. We think:

What if it fails?
What if I can’t do it?
Who am I to do it?
I don’t know enough.
Many more self-defeating things…

But the thing that we most often think is, “This isn’t allowed. This isn’t adulting correctly.”

We’ve been mish and mashed into thinking that there is only one way of being an adult. So, if we want to go off and do something completely different, alarm bells start going off in our heads.

We think we will become a social pariah, our family and friends will think we’ve lost our minds, they won’t understand what we’re doing, they’ll think we’re crazy for leaving a stable and respectable job to chase after some dream. It doesn’t matter if the life we’re living right now is making us miserable, at least it’s understandable, and it’s “good enough.”

Often these alarm bells that tell us to stay in line, doing the same thing for years, can keep us miserable.

What I thought adulting meant

Before I decided to become a coach, I thought adulting correctly meant I would live in Toronto, work at a hospital, work a decade or so to pay off my student loans, during which time I would save up to buy an apartment, buy nice clothes at Aritzia, buy books at Indigo, go on a few vacations to the Caribbean, and invest into my retirement. Along the way, I would work my way up, maybe have my own practice eventually, maybe even teach a class. Along the way, maybe I’d have a kid or two.

Honestly, it sounded like a nice life. And yet, it made me panic. It made me feel like I was a size 6 trying to fit into a size 2 and be happy about it. It made me feel like I was a giant trying to fit into a porcupine-sized cage.

What I thought when I wanted to follow my dream

And yet the thought of leaving all of it behind, to follow a dream I had, made me feel irresponsible, like I was doing something taboo, something not allowed.

I thought of all the people in my community and the things that would be thought and said, and repeated at parties. “Such a waste. Yeah she’s doing some coaching thing. What’s that? I don’t know something about talking to people. Oh wow, good luck to her. So she just quit her job? Yup! Woooowwww! What is she going to do now? I doubt she can make that work. How does she even pay her bills?”

All of these things made me want to simply stay, say it is good enough. I should be happy enough. I’m lucky enough.

Why we think a certain way of living is adulting correctly

Why is it that we think like this? What causes us to think there is one way of adulting correctly, and that anything that goes out of these lines is not allowed? That if we veer off this path, we automatically see ourselves alone in a small run-down apartment without friends or money?

It goes back to our childhood and what we learned there.

When we were growing up, we were constantly receiving information about how the world works.

We looked at adults, who, compared to us at that time, seemed wise and all-knowing. We saw them complain about their job, come home tired, have two days off a week, go on a couple of vacations a year, buy a car, buy an apartment, upgrade to a house, pay off the mortgage, buy a car, buy a better car, go for barbeques.

What we’re told

As women we received information about what being a good girl is supposed to be. Be quiet. Be pretty. Don’t cause a scene. Don’t rattle the way things are. Be smart, but not too smart. Reach for the stars, but don’t get too big for your britches. Be happy with what you have, don’t want too much. Don’t be too rich. Just don’t be too much.

We overhear cautionary tales of someone becoming a painter or writer and starving, someone having a breakdown and throwing away their career and future. We overhear about the relative who got too rich and how no one wants to talk to him anymore.

We’re molded and shaped to fit into a specific shape of a “good adult.” When we become adults, those beliefs are still there. And if we are able to fit into them, we get a checkmark.

We’re praised, we’re told we’re doing well, and that we’re impressive.

Giving all this up doesn’t feel like we’re simply following our dream, it feels like we’re physically ripping ourselves out of a defined and set way of living and being. Like we’re physically cutting ourselves out of a system that has become a part of us. And it’s terrifying.

But does that mean that we shouldn’t do it?

Turn around point

Some people may be happy with the adulting correctly version we were told. And that’s great! Hats off to you – you’re doing something I cannot do. And if you’re happy with it, amazing, don’t change!

However, if you feel like you’re just pretending, that you’re trying to mold yourself into something that you’re not, you feel like you’re constantly going to be found out, consider a change.

If you have a dream about how you want your life to look and what you want to do, consider following it.

There is no right way of adulting

There is no right way of adulting correctly, just like there is no right kind of person or right way of being. We’re all different, and trying to fit us all into one specific mold, is crazy. We’re not all made to work in a cubicle, in a 9-5. And if we hate it, we shouldn’t be praised for doing so.

Following our dream, whatever it may be, is definitely scary, but how does living squished into a tiny space you don’t fit for the next 40 years sound?

Personally, I couldn’t last another single day, never mind another 40 years.

Yes, there will be people who will think you’re crazy. But there will also be other people who will think you’re brave. People for whom you will act as an inspiration to follow their own dreams.

How my life changed when I realized this

When I realized that there was no one right way of adulting, that I could do whatever I wanted to do, whether or not people around me thought it was crazy or sane, it was like the iron bars of that porcupine-sized cage burst open, and I finally stretched out my limbs after being in there for over 15 years.

When I started following my dream of being a coach, it didn’t really matter anymore that I wasn’t adulting correctly. I was so busy loving my new life, loving every second of it, and jumping out of bed every morning to do it.

I didn’t even hear whether people thought I was crazy because I was no longer able to hear them. My dream was louder than their negativity. I realized that most people won’t tell you that you’re crazy to your face. So I never got to hear it. Fine by me!

Deciding to make my own definition of what adulting correctly means was the most freeing experience. Deciding to follow my dream and living life on my terms, with my kind of people, was my new definition of adulting correctly.

What about you?

And I’m certainly not anything special. This isn’t something that only I was able to do. Any of us can do it. Sometimes we need a little help, whether it be through books, podcast, articles, or a coach. But we are all able to do it.

And what does it feel like now, following my dream? It feels like walking on clouds, like you’re a size 4, wearing a size 8 and rocking it.

What about you – do you think you’re adulting correctly? Is it on your terms or the ones that you’ve been taught?

The post Are You Adulting Correctly? Well It’s Killing Your Dream. first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

I just can’t get enough of them!

I’m usually reading a self-improvement book, a non-fiction book (usually history), and a fiction book (usually a murder mystery).

I read so much because I love it! I imagine all the knowledge is out there, hidden in those books, waiting to be discovered and used. And so I absorb books obsessively, moving from one to the next. Sometimes a little faster than I should.

In reading all these countless books, there are definitely those that stand out. Books that have created a huge difference in my life, that have stuck with me long after I’ve closed the back cover on its pages.

This is a selection of powerful books to inspire confidence and get rid of self-doubt. All these books have changed me in some way and made me into who I am today.

Related posts:

• Impactful and Unique Books To Expand Your Mindset in 2020
• 6 Most Important Benefits of Reading: Why You Should Care
• How and Why to Become an Early Morning Riser

Why read?

Growing up we’re moulded into people by our parents, teachers, and society.

I believe that by reading books and learning more, we can choose how we want to mould ourselves. We can look into the mould that we’ve been created into, take control, and say, “This doesn’t work for me anymore. I’m leaving it behind and putting something new in its place.” Books can let us do that.

I’ve ordered them in the order in which I read them.

Powerful Books to Inspire Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubt in 2021

1. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

Sometimes I feel like my life started with this book. I read The Secret in January of 2011. And it completely changed everything.

This is the book that allowed me to let go of a victim mentality and decide to take charge of my own life.

Some people think it’s wishy-washy. I don’t care. I’m forever grateful for this book.

Within of a year and a half of reading The Secret, I fell in love for the first time, I decided to apply to medical school, I volunteered for Projects Abroad in India in a hospital in Madurai, and I moved to Europe for medical school.

Not a single one of these things would have happened, had it not been for The Secret. To me, this book symbolizes what it means when they say, “A book can change your life.”

2. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck

This was a book that after I read it I thought, “Ooooh that’s what’s been wrong with me?!”

I sometimes think this book found me rather than I found it.

I had come across a research paper when I was doing research about burnout. And I thought it was incredible. It talked about the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

I definitely had a fixed mindset my whole life. In school, I always thought that if I didn’t get something right away, that that was it. There was no room for improvement and it meant that I wasn’t smart enough to get it.

Obviously it was a source of great stress and shame.

Growth mindset kids on the other hand, got excited when they were given a question or problem that was really difficult to solve – a question that they had to struggle through and couldn’t solve right away. From my place of false high superiority, I thought they just weren’t as smart as me. Boy was I wrong!

A couple of months after I had read the research paper, just by accident I picked up a random book off of a bookstore shelf. Reading the first page, I thought, “This sounds familiar…” It turned out, it was Carol Dweck’s book that built off the paper she had wrote on fixed vs growth mindsets!

The book builds on the paper she wrote and it is a book that has given me the courage to struggle, to say, “I don’t know,” or “I don’t get it, but I will figure it out.” A book that has given me the confidence to work hard knowing that no matter how long it takes, it doesn’t mean anything about my capabilities.

3. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

The Grit and Mindset books really go together. I even think they should simply be sold together as the authors reference each other in their books.

Anyone with strict parents who expected/still expect the best of them can relate to Angela Duckworth’s story.

Before reading her book, I actually watched her TED talk.

With the book expanding on the TED talk, it really showed me what it takes to succeed, in a very simple, elegant and completely true way.

Like Mindset, it’s one of those books I wish I could have been able to read in high school. Better late than never!

Never too late to find the courage and confidence to go after the life you want!

4. Don’t Keep Your Day Job: How to Turn Your Passion Into Your Career by Cathy Heller

I decided to read this book after listening to Cathy Heller’s Podcast, with the same name. After listening to her podcast, and starting to read her book, I thought, “YES! This is what I’m talking about! This is exactly what I need to hear so that I know I’m not crazy! That this all isn’t a crazy idea!”

Reading this book was like having someone give me permission to follow my crazy dream of making the blog a success and helping women follow their passion in life.

Before reading this book, I thought that following my passion wasn’t something a responsible adult did. In fact, I had a good job, a seemingly good and solid future. Why would I throw a stable paycheck that I’ve worked hard towards my whole life to go chasing after a crazy dream?

Well because that crazy dream might work, and regardless, it will make me happy. It gives me that fire in my belly and excitement. It gives me purpose and knowledge that I’m doing something that matters.

Cathy’s book is incredible in that it takes you through the steps to get there.

Not just an inspirational book about how you can do it, but almost like a how-to guide for getting there. With chapters on each step of the way, examples from how different people applied it in different industries and then little homework sections at the end of each chapter, Cathy’s book leaves you in no doubt that you can do it. Just follow the steps and listen to her inspiration and motivational stories to build your confidence and faith in yourself.

5. The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life. by Robin Sharma

Where to even start when it comes to Robin Sharma’s book.

I started reading this book after I had just quit my corporate job and taken a course by Susie Moore. In it, she recommends the 5 AM Club.

On a Friday evening, while my partner was practicing piano, I opened my laptop and decided to look up the book. My library didn’t have any available copies, but they offered an excerpt from the book.

I don’t know if it was the combination of listening to the piano mixed with the hypnotic words of Robin Sharma, but I was obsessed as soon as I started reading.

That night I found a PDF copy online (sorry – I later bought a copy and then a few for people I know 😊 ), cancelled all the plans I had for the weekend and read for two days straight. I think my partner would have thought I had lost my mind if he didn’t know me so well.

Monday morning, I woke up at 5AM. And I never looked back.

Much more than a “how to get up at 5AM book” it goes through everything you need to live “a world-class life”.

The difference that I saw in my own life after I had implemented all these suggestions was incredible. My productivity, my relationships, my happiness, everything was simply uplifted.

Recently, I gave the book to my sister to read when she was over at my parents. At some point, my mom got her hands on it and they were stealing it from each other trying to read as much as possible. When my sister returned to the States, she bought a copy to continue reading, while mine is still at my parents house with my mom, who regularly sends me quotes from the book.

Although it is number 5, this book makes #1 for powerful books to inspire confidence and get rid of self-doubt!

Incredible book, and I can only say thank you to Robin Sharma for writing such a great book that came at just the right moment.

6. Untamed: by Glennon Doyle

I think this is one of those books that should be given to all women on the first day of university or college. Otherwise on the day of high school graduation.

That’s how important I think this book is.

It’s written in these really short chapters that are little excerpts of her life. And yet somehow when you’re reading, you feel like you are reading about your life, but through a lens that you’ve never seen before.

It’s your life, but with all the societal expectations stripped bare or rather put up so that you see your whole life and all the decisions you’ve made in the context of the societal expectations and pressures that you’ve been put under.

It’s one of those books, that you read 2 pages, take a whew sigh, and think, “Holy shit!” Or otherwise you start crying. I did both. Sometimes at the same time.

I feel like it stripped me off all these ideas and walls I had put up for myself and made me look into the mirror at who I was pretending to be versus who I really was. And then made me ask myself, “Okay now you’ve seen both, do you want to continue down this path, or do you want to find the courage to embrace your true self and live the life you want to live, not the one that’s been laid out for you?”

Reading this book, you’ll be faced with the same question. And I think you’ll have the courage and confidence to answer truthfully, one way or the other.

7. Big Magic: How to Live a Creative Life, and Let Go of Your Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Big Magic, also wrote Eat Pray Love.

It is a great read about being a creative and navigating the world and the emotions that come with that. Mostly because coming from science, I didn’t know about the struggles that creatives face, or how to deal with them. It took me through the pitfalls that creatives endure.

It was great for me to read because as someone who likes to prepare for everything as much as possible it gave me things to watch out for and keep in mind.

So I would say I recommend this book to anyone who is already a creative or someone who is switching gears and now moving to a career or life as a creative.

I definitely felt that I understood more about myself and why I was feeling or acting the way I was when it came to my creative work. And because of that it gave me the confidence to move forward knowing most of my feeling were completely natural and how to fix the ones that were not serving me positively.

8. Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang

As soon as I started reading Rejection Proof, I could tell it will be a great book. That it will push me forward in my journey through practical advice and by inspiring me to find the courage to keep moving forward despite all the queasiness at doing new things along the way.

And that’s exactly what it did. It taught me how to embrace rejection, even look forward to it if you can believe!

After reading this book, I started putting myself into situations where I would most likely get a, “No,” to a question. Turns out, people are a lot more accommodating and willing to help, you just have to ASK. And second, even if it is a, “No,” it’s really not a big deal. After the initial, “Oh my god,” that was so embarrassing wore off, it became kind of exciting to get that, “No,” and to have had asked anyway.

If you’re often holding back, afraid to ask for what you want, or are embarking on a new adventure, this is definitely one to start with!

9. The New Rules of Aging Well: A Simple Program for Immune Resilience, Strength, and Vitality by Frank Lipman

Loved this book! So first let me preface by saying that this is a book for ageing well past 40, but I found that it is also a good book for people younger than 40 as a sort of preventative look. As one review said, “A must-read for anyone 20 to 120!” With a few modifications for things like ageing bones, this book gets an A+ from me hands down!

You might be wondering why a healthy ageing book is a list of powerful books to inspire confidence and get rid of self-doubt. Well, the reason is that if we’re not healthy and feel strong and well-rested, we can’t do personal development. We can barely function, never mind improve and advance our mindset and circumstances.

We need to ensure that we are healthy and strong so that all the personal development work we do actually sticks.

The way Dr. Frank Lipman explains what we need to do in a scientific way, but without getting too science-y is fantastic. Even though I’m an MD, sometimes I just want to hear from a trusted source what I need to do. I don’t always want to hear all about the molecules and pathways that show how this advice is correct.

A quick read, it’s filled with incredible information that made me take notes and start following almost everything he said. I even ended up giving the book to every woman in my family. We all love it!

Powerful Books to Inspire Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubt in 2021: Conclusion

And there you have it! My top 9 books for personal development for women. Reading any of these books will boost you forward. Reading these powerful books will inspire confidence and get rid of self-doubt. It will give you a fresh takes on things, improve your mindset, and inspire you to keep forging ahead.

Which book do you plan on reading first?

Share in the comments below!

The post Powerful Books to Inspire Confidence and Get Rid of Self-Doubt in 2021 first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.