Overcome Fear of Failure and Develop Grit

Have you ever said this to yourself?

I can’t do that.
It probably won’t work.
What if I don’t succeed?
I don’t want people to think I’m stupid.
I don’t want to look like a failure.
What if I fail?

How many have you ever said to yourself?

I’ve said all of them at one point or another.

These are all things we say to ourselves when we experience fear of failure. It can be very stressful and paralysing. And it can prevent us from reaching our full potential!

Fear of failure is the anxiety we feel about possible future failure because of the possible shame and humiliation that may accompany this failure.

What’s really difficult about fear of failure is that sometimes we don’t even know that we have it!

For this reason, it took me a while to realize I had a fear of failure.

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Over time I’ve learned more about fear of failure and what I can do about it. I now know how debilitating it is and I know the stress and anxiety that it can cause us. I’ve learned how it can hold us back from achieving the things that are important to us.

But you deserve to lead the life you want!

And for this reason, I want to share with you all there is to know about fear of failure and how to overcome fear of failure and develop grit!

What is fear of failure and where does it come from?

Fear of failure is the anxiety we feel about a possible future failure when it is something we care about.

The anxiety we feel comes from the idea that the failure will cause us to:

• Experience shame and embarrassment
• Devalue how much we see our self-worth
• Have an uncertain future
• Upset important people in our lives

It doesn’t develop because of a past failure.

Instead, it develops because we believe that failure reflects who we are. It goes straight to our identity and self-esteem.

While guilt makes up feel bad about our actions and regret makes us feel bad about our efforts, failure and the shame that comes with it, makes us feel bad about who we ARE.

For this reason, it is not surprising that many of us will do all that we can, consciously or not, to avoid this possible failure. Even if it means sabotaging opportunities for growth.

Signs of fear of failure

Sometimes we’re not even aware that we have a fear of failure. We just see that we are doing certain things that don’t seem to be very beneficial to us. But we don’t know why we are doing it.

Understanding that this is a fear of failure is the first step to knowing how to overcome fear of failure.

Do you do any of these? If so, you might have a fear of failure. You worry:

• What other people will think of you if you fail
• About your ability to pursue the future you want if you fail
• That people will find you less interesting if you fail
• About how smart or capable you are if you fail
• That if you fail, you will disappoint people who are important to you
• You tell friends and family that you don’t expect to succeed, so that you decrease their expectations
• Once you fail, you can’t imagine what you could have done differently to succeed
• Once you fail, you point that finger at a cause right away
• You are often distracted by things that prevent you from completing the task needed to succeed. Then looking back, you see that these things that distracted you, weren’t that important.
• You tend to procrastinate when doing the things you need to do for success

If you identified with some of these, you might have fear of failure. Which is great!

Why is it great? Well because now that you know, you can actually do something about it.

Looking at it another way, if you did have fear of failure, but still didn’t see it, you wouldn’t be able to change.

So I am so happy that you’ve taken the first step and realized you have a fear of failure and that it might be preventing you from achieving all you wish to in life.

You deserve to lead the life you want! And having something, especially yourself, get in your way, is frustrating. Now we can learn how to solve it!

What I do want to say first though, is that having a fear of failure is not your fault. It doesn’t speak to who we are as people. It doesn’t mean we are weak.

What it means is that we care about our future and succeeding. It means that sometimes, outside pressures becomes too much and we worry how failing will look. It means we want to be smart, capable women and we are worry that failing will mean that we are not (it does not mean this, by the way).

Now that you know you have a fear of failure, you are so ahead of the curve! Imagine all that you could accomplish and how much better you will feel about yourself if you get this slowly under control.

Imagine the life you will live!

So let’s get into it!

How to overcome fear of failure

1. Own the fear

You’ve already taken the first step by identifying that you have a fear of failure.

The second step is to accept this and not judge yourself for it. You have a fear of failure and that is fine.

Allow yourself to just feel the feeling.

Talking about it with others might be a way to overcome the judgement and get rid of the possible shame of what others will think should you fail.

Talking with others about it is also a way to increase self esteem. Showing that you are comfortable with yourself the way you can increase your self esteem and make you more comfortable not being perfect.

Accepting the feeling of fear takes time.

We are so used to fighting against feelings that make us uncomfortable, that it will definitely feel frustrating in the beginning. So don’t judge yourself. Give yourself some time to accept these feeling.

Do whatever you need to do do slowly accept that feeling of fear of failure.

Some ideas for what you could do to help things along are:

• Meditation
• Journaling
• Going for walks
• Reading books we enjoy
• Spending time alone with your thoughts
• Spending time in nature
• Yoga, cycling, or another exercise activity that gives your mind a break

2. Redefine failure

Whether we like it or not, failure is a part of life. At some point, we will fail. Repeat that. At some point, I will fail.

And that’s great!

Why?

If we never fail, we are never stepping out of our comfort zone, and that means we are always doing the same thing. That means that we can never grow and achieve the things we deserve!

So when I say redefine failure, what I mean is shifting our mindset from having failure be the end result, to having failure be the beginning.

Think of failure as the beginning of a learning experience.

The more we learn, the more our fear of failure decreases, because we know how to deal with it.

Also, we learn more when we fail than when we succeed.

When we succeed, we learn only one way of doing something. When we fail, we learn many ways of doing something. This allows us to grow as a person and gives us creative ways to deal with obstacles in the future.

If we take the time to learn from a failure, the next time we face a possible failure, we experience less fear of failure, because we know we are able to deal with it.

So take some time to slowly shift your mindset from, “This is a failure,” to “How can I learn from this? How will this let me grow?”

3. Visualize obstacles

There was a study that took a group of students and broke them up into 2 groups. The first group was told to imagine that the coming week would be great. The second group was told to imagine anything they want about the week.

What happened was that those who imagined the week would be great were actually less energized.

The moral of the story: positive thinking isn’t enough. We must balance positive thinking with visualising future obstacles and struggles.

Many successful people do this. Tim Ferris keeps a fear list where he writes all the things that he fears could happen.

So how do we do this?

1. Think of a situation where you are afraid of failing
2. Visualize hitting the obstacle
3. Allow yourself to feel the fear
4. Visualize yourself moving forward
5. Spend a few minutes planning how to overcome whatever obstacles may stand in your way
6. Then see yourself succeeding despite the obstacles

Going through this routine can help us learn how we can overcome obstacles. Once we learn how to overcome obstacles, in the future, we feel confident enough to push forward despite having a fear of failure.

We are able to do this because we feel prepared to deal with possible obstacles.

Interestingly enough, by knowing how to deal with possible obstacles, we decrease the chance of failure anyway!

We have to remember that the possibility of failure is still there, so we can’t forget to do #2 and Redefine Failure.

4. Set approach goals instead of avoidance goals

What are approach goals and what are avoidance goals?

Approach goals are those goals that are motivated by wanting to achieve a positive outcome. For example:

• Goal to learn as much about marketing as I can for this exam.
• Goal to develop my skills in negotiating.

Avoidance goals are those goals that are motivated by wanting to avoid a negative outcome. For example:

• Goal to get a 90% on this exam.
• Goal to negotiate a 10% increase on my salary.

What really sticks out when comparing approach goals vs avoidance goals is that they both seems positive on the surface. But when you look at it, with approach goals, you walk away richer. You have learned a lot about marketing and can now use this knowledge. You have learned about negotiating and can use it now or in the future in any situation.

Avoidance goals are all-or-nothing. If you get 85%, still an amazing mark, you failed, because you didn’t get at least 90%. If you got a 5% increase on your salary instead of 10%, you failed. You are almost ensuring that you will feel bad about it. And you are putting more importance to this one event than necessary. It means that this exam or this negotiation is a moment in your life that will determine everything. It makes you forget that the skills you learn from that experience will matter later in your life as well!

So I hope you see why the way we phrase our goals is important. Don’t sabotage yourself by making all-or-nothing goals. Recognize that every experience is an opportunity to learn something that can be used your whole life and not just that moment.

5. Develop grit

Grit is an interesting characteristic that can be developed.

Grit is the passion and perseverance towards long-term goals.

It is that mix of passion and pushing towards our goals through all the obstacles that we may encounter.

Why am I talking about grit?

We are always going to experience some degree of fear of failure, because we care about the outcome and there is a small level that we cannot control.

Developing grit is a way to push past this fear of failure so that it doesn’t prevent us from achieving all the things we want to, all the things we deserve to do.

How to overcome fear of failure and develop grit

We can use grit and all the strategies mentioned above to push through our fear of failure.

To some extent, it will always be there. And it is fine. Courage is not about the absence of fear, but overcoming it.

Therefore, it’s fine if we have fear of failure. It does not mean that we will never succeed. It means that we can push past it with the exercises mentioned above and with grit. We can overcome fear of failure and develop grit!By doing so, we can lead the life we want and deserve!

Grit is about recognizing the moment when we are going to procrastinate because we have a fear of failure and we decide to get back to the task at hand.

It’s about recognizing that we are not actually tired, but just using it as an excuse to stop working because of a fear of failure, and we keep working instead.

Grit is about recognizing that the email you just received and are about to answer is just a way to procrastinate because of a fear of failure, and you go back to your original task.

It’s about not letting the fear of failure organize your life, but instead sticking to your goal and following through.

Grit is a way to keep yourself in hand and not let your emotions get the better of you.

Developing grit takes time. The above practices can help because they make you more aware of how you see a fear of failure and how you see yourself. Once you have an idea of yourself and what your passion is, you can keep pushing, keep persevering no matter the fear.

I’ve recently read a fascinating book by Angela Duckworth, called Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance. It’s been such a game-changer for me in terms of learning how to develop grit and how important it is to my success! It includes amazing strategies for developing grit and personal stories from Angela, about the role grit has had in her own life.

It’s a book I highly recommend to anyone who:

• Has goals in life they are struggling to succeed
• Wants to improve themselves
• Has a fear of failure
• Wants to learn more about the power of perseverance and how it can change their life

Takeaway

In the end, I hope you’ve learned a little bit about yourself and I hope you’ve learned how to start to overcome fear of failure and develop grit!

It’s definitely a process. Message me to tell me how you are doing on your journey! I’ve definitely been in the same place you are. So, I’d love to hear how you’re doing!

It will take time, so cut yourself some slack. Remember that you deserve to lead the life you want!

Starting with knowledge is always the best way to start. So congratulations! You’ve already done the first step. You decide where you go from here! I believe in you!

Final Question

So now let me ask you. What is it you want to achieve but were afraid of failing if you tried?

Is it something as seemingly simple as becoming an early riser?

Or is it maybe something seemingly big such as to run a 10K?

Think about what it is and see what you can use from this article to overcome fear of failure and achieve your goals!

Also, if you have any questions, or if there is a topic you are dying to know more about, give me a shout-out on Instagram or leave a comment below!

Lastly, make sure to sign up to my newsletter to get the latest easy-to-understand mental health information!

Have a wonderful week!