When I’m working with my coaching clients, and we’re discussing how she can pursue her dream, the fear that comes up most often is, “What will people think? I don’t want anyone to find out.” This is the fear of judgement.

Who’s judging us?

But what people are we talking about – who are these people that we fear will judge us? When we’re talking about “these people,” we’re not talking about our close friends and family, specifically the people who we love and whose opinion we value.

We’re talking about the people outside of that, the casual friends, the people in our community, or the friends and family whose opinions we don’t value.

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We imagine what they will say and think. The discussions they will have between themselves about us. We know it will happen because we’ve been there while another person’s life was combed through and opinions were thoroughly given.

It makes us want to just continue what we’ve been doing, put our dreams in a filing cabinet under, “Guess not” and call it a day.

Why is this such a big fear?

Women, especially Type A women, have built a whole persona and identity as a successful, responsible, and all-around respectful woman. As such, we’ve created a life that fits with this persona. We’ve become doctors, lawyers, academics, successful corporate women, or anything else that is highly valued in our society. We’ve gotten the right apartment, the right car, the right partner.

It’s all nice and cozy with a pretty red bow on top.

And around us everyone says, “Wow, look at her, she’s really done it. She’s really successful, really smart, and she worked hard and well to get to where she is. She’s the idol for what I want my own girls to look like.”

Fear of judgement comes when we decide to veer off course

So when we decide that we don’t want this life anymore, that it’s not making us happy, and it’s not who we truly are, and we decide that we want to stop and pursue a dream we have instead, it can be very unsettling.

Because we are not doing something as simple as following our dream. In these instances, we feel like we are putting our whole identity up for question and judgement.

We’ve gotten used to people commenting on us and our life as it is now. So there is no reason to think that they won’t comment when we decide to do something completely different.

And it doesn’t matter what this dream is – whether it is writing, painting, starting a bakery, starting a coaching business, or any other kind of business, writing a screenplay, becoming an actress, opening a café, or whatever else our dream may be.

Just the fact that we are veering off the path that we are currently on, seems like an act of defiance and a way to have our whole identity open for criticism and judgement.

And I’m going to tell you, that’s is absolutely true. They’re going to judge you.

My own experience with the fear of judgement

When I decided to leave medicine to pursue my dream of having a coaching business where I help women unshackle and pursue their own true dream, I was terrified.

Although I did have some fears like:

What if it fails?
What if I don’t know enough?
Who am I to do this?
I don’t know anything about business – I come from science! I’ve never taken a business course in my life!
Even my therapist thinks I should continue onto medicine!

But my biggest fear was about people finding out. In my head, I could hear the conversations, that started with, “Oh my God, did you hear about Sonja?!”

And ended with, “Oh wow, that sucks, she probably couldn’t take the pressure. And to choose coaching of all things. That’s not even a thing.”

My bad solution to prevent judgement

So I played it small for a while. I didn’t really tell people about it. I tried not to be too flashy about it, not posting on social media about what I’m doing, not putting a lot of my own pictures on my website.

Eventually, I realized that this kind of thinking was holding me back. How am I supposed to create a business if no one knows about it? If the people who I’m afraid will judge me, can’t find me online, how can anyone else?

More than this, by not calling myself a coach right away, I wasn’t letting myself become this new identity, the new persona I wanted to be. And this comes across. In all the work you do to make your dream a reality. When we think, sure I’m writing right now, but I’m not actually a writer (if your dream is to be a writer for example), this comes across in our writing.

So I had to make a choice – was I going to keep playing small, not call myself a coach, and essentially hide, so I don’t risk judgment and embarrassment, or was I going to open it up, open my identity up for discussion and risk judgement and embarrassment for the sake of my dream?

Why we experience fear of judgement

Questioning the fear

To help us answer this question, these are some questions that we can ask ourselves. I’ve used some of them myself. When I was answering my own question whether to risk judgement for the sake of my dream or not.

What people? Who are these people who are going to judge you?
Are they your friends and family who you love and whose opinion is important to you? Because that’s a whole different topic.
Are they the kind of people that you enjoy being around? Are they positive, encouraging, and have a view about the world and life that you share?
Do they live the kind of life you want to be living?
Do you think they would be supportive of your dream?
Are they coming from a life that you are trying to get away from? Only they seem more than content with it?
Do you think having them in your life will hinder or propel forward your own dream?
Does their opinion mean it’s the truth?
Are they going to tell you their judgement straight to your face?
Is it any of your business what they say and think behind your back?
Is it any of your business to go around and find out what they are saying?
Why are they in your life?

How answering these questions helps

Answering these questions can help us realize that sure, there are people who are going to judge us. However, if they are not people who are on the same journey as us, who are living the kind of life that we are trying to get away from, and since most of them won’t tell you to your face what they are thinking about your new life, who cares.

It is absolutely none of your business what they are saying. You are leaving them behind and venturing out onto new lands, where you will meet new and interesting people who have the same hopes and dreams as you do. Who will propel your forward and let you bounce great ideas off of them.

What people who are judging you think, is completely irrelevant. So don’t let it hold you back.

An interesting thing that can happen

When we pursue our own dream, it gives the people around us permission to do the same.

We all live in communities. They don’t have to be physical communities, they can be a group of people that all go to the same church as we do, or the same background, or anything else that causes a group of people with some shared interest to hold similar set values and ideas. These values and ideas hold us in line.

When we decide to something new, we may be branching off from the values and ideas of this community.

For example, if this community believes having a good stable career, with a good and stable home is the path to happiness, branching off to become a painter, is bound to raise a few eyebrows, because it doesn’t go with the values and ideals.

But an interesting thing that happens, is that when you decide to do this, there is another member of that community, who also wants to do something else, who you just gave hope you. To whom you serve as an inspiration, to whom you just gave permission to follow their own path and be true to themselves.

That’s what is really inspiring when we take charge of our own path and dreams – we allow other people to do the same.

So wear it like a badge of honour – you’re doing something brave – let them judge

So if you’re hesitant to follow your dream because you fear judgement – you’re worried what people will think and how embarrassing that will be, remember that those people are not you.

They do not have the same dreams you have. Their opinion is not coming from a supportive and helpful place, and as a result, it’s irrelevant.

Don’t let it hold you back, and along the way, you’ll serve as an inspiration for other women who want to follow in their own dream!

Are you stopping yourself from pursuing your dream because you fear judgement from other people? Comment below to share!

The post How To Overcome The Fear Of Judgement first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

Coaching is a relatively new field and as such, many people aren’t really sure what coaching is or how coaching can help us.

Often people think that coaching is like therapy, or that it is like having a cheerleader, someone to believe in you and tell you that you can do it.

When we tell someone that we are about to start working with a coach, the first question we are often asked is, “Why? What sport are you starting?” *Faceplant*

It’s understandable why people are confused about coaching. This article is all about what coaching is, and what it isn’t, the point of coaching, and what to look for in a good coach.

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What coaching is NOT

Let’s start by debunking the myths about what coaching is.

Coaching is not:

• Having a private cheerleader who only tells you you’re amazing
• A solution to all of your problems
• A way you can make your life better without doing any work
• Like therapy
• Criticism
• Listening to what you want to hear
• A quick fix
• A one size fits all approach
• Financial advising

How coaching can help you

Instead, coaching is about working together to help you build the kind of life you want based on a dream you have.

Often, people wonder about why they should get a coach at all, why can’t they do it by themselves. And that’s a great question! The thing is, that if it were about the information, you would already be living the life you want.

It’s not a question of more information

All the information is out there. At the end of our fingertips, through Google, we can get all the information we could ever possibly want.

And yet, if you’re not living the kind of life you dream of, it’s not an information problem.

Instead, it’s a combination of information and beliefs. We can decide to spend the next 5 years of our lives learning, Googling and reading books. We can then take another 5 years trying to work through our limiting beliefs on our own.

After 10 years, if we’ve done it correctly, we might be able to move towards creating the dream life we want.

A coach is a way to get that shortcut – it’s a way to  fast track your dream to start creating it right now. Coaching have done the work. They have the information and they are able to tailor it to you.

More than this, they are able to hear what you are saying and know what is behind it. We are able to hear the limiting belief that stands behind a concern or worry, and then blast through it, debunking it, and then together creating a new belief that works.

The point of all of this is that you then do the work, put in the time, do the worksheets and exercises, and begin creating the kind of life you want and dream of right now. Instead of starting to live this life 10 years later if you were to do it alone.

Coaching can help you get to where you want to go faster. It’s a shortcut to get you to where you want to go.

How coaching helps us achieve

Coaching is interesting in the way it is able to help you get to living your dream.

It is different from therapy in that it does not look into your past and work there. Coaching works in the present, in order to create the future you want.

There are different coaches and different coaching methods.

My own personal method is a combination of being straightforward, encouraging, and looking past the words to get at the root of the problem.

Usually at the beginning of coaching, exercises are done, to see where you want to go. Goals are set and we create a direction that we want to go towards.

We create a plan and begin working on it. Along the way, fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs come up. “I’m not good enough. I keep on sabotaging myself. I start working and then it seems like there is so much other stuff to do. I’m worried what people will say about my dream.”

We work through all of these so that you are able to continue pursuing your dream and living the life you deserve.

Finding a great coach – what to look for in a coach

When choosing a coach, there are a few key things to look out for.

1. Do you like the person? It’s important to like your coach. If you don’t like them or think they are a good person, there’s going to be resistance and you’re not going to get the results you want or deserve.
2. You trust them. You believe what they are saying and believe they can get you the results you want.
3. They have experience doing this and are able to show you other clients they have had success with.
4. Good communication. You should be able to understand what your coach is saying. More than this, check what their policy is for getting in touch with them. Can you email them? Message them on Facebook?
5. Ask how they are prioritizing their own personal development. If the coach is asking you to work on yourself, check whether they are living by the same principles they are asking you to live by. It’s a fact that coaches that don’t value their own continuous growth have a lower ceiling than coaches that are constantly working to improve themselves.
6. Are they skilled in deep listening? You don’t want a coach that keeps interrupting you.
7. You feel like they understand you. Check whether you feel like the coach understands and knows where you are coming from. They understand how you are feeling and how you are struggling.
8. Are you excited and inspired by your discussion with the coach? And also a little bit scared? This is a key thing because it means that you’re inspired to grow, ready to commit to the process, and the scared part is important because it means you will stretch and grow through the coaching process.

What I look for when vetting a potential client

Did you know that when you’re talking to a coach about starting to work with them, that they’re evaluating you just as much as you are evaluating them?

It’s also important for the coach to work with people that are a good fit. I’ve definitely declined to work with some people because I felt that they were not a good fit.

It’s better that way for both of us. They’re not frustrated by not getting the results they want. And as my time is limited, I don’t spend time working with a client I can’t help. I instead spend my time with a client I can really help.

All coaching have different things that they are looking for.

What I’m looking for in a client

The key things I’m looking for when I’m vetting a potential client are:

1. Willingness to grow. Growing is scary and there can be some resistance. I can tell the difference between someone who wants to grow and will put in the work, despite being scared, and someone who is not yet ready to grow for whatever reason.
2. Positivity and hope. Positivity can be at an all-time low when clients first come to me. However, it’s possible while talking with someone to see whether they have passion, whether they are positive, but are having a hard time right now.
3. They’re a good person.
4. I trust them.
5. I know I can actually help them.

Coaching can really help because it is a great way to fast-track jumping forward to where you want to be in your life.

With so many coaches out there it is so important to do a consultation call before hiring anyone. Talking to a potential coach is a great way to get to know them, to see if they can help you, and to see whether you feel that perfect mix of excitement, inspiration, and a little scared!

What is holding you back from getting a coach? Comment below!

The post What is Coaching and Can It Really Help Me? first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

There are a lot of reasons that we might be hesitant to pursue our dream. We might be worried about whether it will fail, whether we will go broke, or whether we should just be happy with where we are. All valid questions, but they’re more the nitty gritty of things, they’re not the big picture, overall, life-altering question. This article will go into that life-altering question.

How this exercise came to life

I was once asked how many years ahead I plan and look towards. I said 20 years.

While I thought that was pretty standard and that everyone did that, by the facial expressions I saw staring back at me, it turns out, it’s not so much.

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Why we should look ahead 20 years

But I find this surprising. If we look at our life as the ocean and we’re a ship, with our brain the captain, isn’t it important to look forward, to make sure that we’re steering the ship where we want it to go?

Sure our immediate concern is not to hit an iceberg, but don’t we also want to see whether we want to steer north or south, or maybe east or west, or maybe someone completely new?

Looking 20 years ahead is not like looking into a crystal ball. In all those years, things will come up. The way we imagine our life in 20 years is not exactly how it will be, but if we look at the direction we’re steering our boat, we can have a pretty good idea.

The 2 exercises

So today’s article is all about looking forward 20 years in two parts. The first part is what 20 years will look like if we continue steering straight if we continue to stay on the path that we are on right now. And that might look amazing, it might be that you love how it looks! And that’s what we’re here to see right now. By doing this exercise, we can answer the question, “Should I pursue my dream?”

Exercise 1: Staying the course

Sit in a quiet space, somewhere where you are comfortable and won’t be interrupted for half an hour. Put a sign on your door that says, Enter at your own risk” if it helps!

Bring a notebook and pencil.

Write down what you are doing now in your life.

Here are some questions to answer that will get you started.

So in the ship analogy, this is the waters in which the boat is now.

Where do you live?
What is your job?
Who are your friends? Who is in your life right now? What do they do? How positive are they?
How do you spend your time? Do you go out, read, write, watch Netflix, go to the gym, dance, etc.
How do you eat? Do you eat out? Would you say you eat in a healthy way?
When was your last vacation? Have you planned your next one?
How are your finances? How much debt do you have, vs how much saved, vs how much invested?

Now if you steer straight, look forward 20 years.

How old are you now?
Where do you think you’ll be living? Which country, city vs village, house vs apartment?
Are you still working? Is it in the same industry? (This could be a probably or maybe answer)
Have you made new friends? Are you still friends with the same people as before? What do you think they are now doing?
How are you spending your time? What do you do during the weekends?
How often are you going on vacation? (Remember this is if you steer straight, not how much you would like to be going on vacation, but realistically how often compared with the rest of your supposed life in 20 years)
How do you eat? Are you still eating healthy? If you weren’t eating healthy before, would you be likely to change in 20 years?
Have you paid off your loans? Have you saved – how much? How much have you invested?
How much time is there left?

Look back over your answers. Do you like what you see?

Do you like the version of your life in 20 years? If you do, that’s amazing! Great on you! Rock on!! Keep going and keep at it!

However, if you don’t, look inward, think about that dream you have. Think about that thing you really want to do. Maybe it’s to write or paint or become an interior designer of fashion designer, or get a job at Vogue or the New York Times, or write a screenplay, or start your own investment company.

Think about that dream. Try not to let judgement or worries or fears in. Remember, you’re not doing anything right now, nothing is on the line, so there is nothing to fear right now. You’re just thinking about it.

Exercise 2: If veer of course and pursue our dream

If you were to decide to pursue your dream right now, that would mean taking that ship and changing direction.

Imagine heading in that direction, with that dream, and look 20 years.

What are you doing? What is your dream?
Who is around you? Have you met new people, have you stayed close with the people of your past?
How does a standard day in your life look?
Where are you living?
What do you do during your free time?
How are your finances?
How often do you go on vacation? What does a vacation look like in this new direction?
How do you eat? What is your favourite food?
How do you look?
How do you feel?

Look back over what you wrote. How do you feel right now? Did your facial expression change while you were writing?

What have you learned while writing this? About yourself, about what you want, about how you want to spend the next 20 years of your life.

And then ask yourself, “Should I pursue my dream?” Are you any clearer?

Now you have a choice

At this point, you have a choice, you can take the pieces of paper you’ve written down and shove them into a drawer, and ignore the trip you took down your dream 20 years ahead.

Or you can decide to linger there. You can decide to consider that you might want to captain your ship to steer into a new direction.

Starting to do this can seem scary at first, which is why I’ve created an incredible free guide for you to get you started on your way!

When we start doing something new, when we decide to veer off course and change direction, we might hear the shouting of, “Hey! Woah! Where you going! Wrong direction! That’s a scary path! Where do you think you’re going!”

And hearing all of this is normal. It’s based on certain beliefs we have about how our life should look and the direction it should take.

Decided to give your dream a chance is a brave decision and doing this guide is the first step to giving yourself a fighting chance.

Did you do the exercise? How did it go? Comment below to share!

The post Should I Pursue My Dream? An Incredible Exercise For The Answer first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

By all standards, I was doing well. I had done everything I was supposed to do – I had gotten good marks to get into a good school, graduated, gotten a good job, somewhat settled down. It felt I had received a life checkmark, like, “Yup you’ve done what you were supposed to do and now you’re done. You can just go into cruise control now.”

And the job was quite good. It had benefits and it was close to home so the commute was only 20 minutes. I could walk if I wanted to. The people I worked with were incredible and smart.

And yet every night when I came home, I would only have the energy to tune out with Netflix.

I would go to bed completely exhausted still, wondering how the day flew by and how little of my own life I lived that day. And that’s how the weeks turned into months.

I knew it wasn’t for me, but I tried to ignore it

I knew the job wasn’t quite for me. It wasn’t challenging or particularly exciting. I didn’t feel like I was living my life. And the excitement that I used to have for the future and for life just wasn’t there.

I tried covering it up with the free candy they gave us at work. So after 11 months, I had gained over 25 pounds. Even those 25 pounds weren’t enough to cushion me from the feeling of dissatisfaction.

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My dream

And I had an idea for something that I wanted to do. I wanted to work on my blog. I wanted to spend all day talking about and with other women on how to overcome fear so they feel empowered to live the life they want, not the one they settle for.

But I had all these doubts:

What makes me think I can do this?
I have a science background, what do I know about starting a business?
I don’t know enough about marketing, making a website, and social media.
What can I possibly have to offer?
What if it doesn’t work?
Won’t people think this is stupid and think that I failed in life so that is why I am now doing this?

Honestly, the, “What will people think?” was one of my biggest fears and the biggest one holding me back.

It was really scary. It was actually terrifying. Not just from the social aspect of, what will people think, but also from a financial standpoint. While I wasn’t making huge money at my job, it was a steady paycheck. It was reliable, and it was what I thought a responsible adult would do. And as anyone who knows me will say, I tend to live by “responsible.”

It takes courage to pursue your dream

Finding the courage to say, “No more,” to that job, and to my medical career was one of the bravest things I’ve done.

I always thought that being brave meant pushing more. Pushing yourself to do things that don’t seem quite right, but will get you to where you want to be – or at least where you think you want to be. Pushing yourself to be better, to work harder, to push through pain and insecurity.

I don’t think that’s what brave means anymore.

When I said “No more,” to the kind of life I had been building for years, I think that’s the first time I was truly brave, because it was the first time I decided to differentiate between what I had learnt was the definition of “success” and what I thought success and happiness meant for me.

For me, success wasn’t a corporate job or even a medical career. For me success was deciding to branch out on my own, spend my days reading about self-development, writing about it, and empowering other women to take charge of their lives and do what they actually want to do in life. Not what they think they should be doing.

Brave does not always mean charging towards the fire pit. Sometimes brave means saying, “No, I don’t want to charge towards the fire pit, even though that may lead to a certain success. I want to do something else, and I’m stepping away.”

Making this decision takes courage, but it’s also a decision that is so worth it. And it’s courage that we all have.

Does this sound like you?

You were sitting at work, a little bored, cruising the internet when you came across this article. You’re at a seemingly good job. By all standards, the people around you think you are successful. You’ve done everything right until this point. You’ve gotten good grades, gotten into a good university, worked hard to get a good job with the possibility of growth. It seems like you’re set.

But maybe you have an idea for something else that you want to do – something that you’re excited and passionate about starting.

Maybe you’re spending your time reading blogs on baking online and you realize you would love to open up your own bakery. Or you’re a huge movie buff and realize you want to try your own hand at being a screenwriter.

Do these doubts sound familiar?

Even though all of these things make you super excited and energized, you’re scared to start. So many doubts and fears run through your head:

Who am I to be doing this?
So many people are already doing this, what can I possibly offer?
What if it doesn’t work?
I don’t know if I have what it takes to succeed.
This is so different from what I’m doing now, everyone is going to think it’s weird.
Isn’t it irresponsible to leave my stable and successful job to go chasing after a dream?

These thoughts are so common! I recently did a poll in a women entrepreneurs group that I’m a part of, listing these fears and then which ones each woman experienced when she was starting her journey. So many women responded listing multiple of these fears as being a huge reason why they almost didn’t start their new business or side hustle.

It’s scary starting your own business. You’re scared whether it will work, you’re worried about the judgement you might face, you’re worried financially will you be able to manage, and you’re worried whether you’re even capable of making it a success.

It may seem hard to find the courage to pursue your dream.

But finding courage gives you the push to make that first step towards creating your new passion. It doesn’t mean that the fear goes away.

Courage means that you do it anyway.

My journey to find the courage to pursue my dream

We can find the courage to pursue our dream in many ways.

Helpful podcasts

For me, I spent a lot of time listening to podcasts, like:

• The Tim Ferris Show
• Unlocking Us (Brené Brown’s podcast)
• Don’t Keep Your Day Job (Cathy Heller’s podcast)
• Do It Scared (Ruth Soukup’s podcast)

Helpful books

And reading endless books. Key ones that really helped were:

• 5 AM Club – Robin Sharma
• Don’t Keep Your Day Job – Cathy Heller
• Untamed – Glennon Doyle
• Do It Scared – Ruth Soukup
• Rejection Proof – Jia Jiang
• Super Attractor – Gabrielle Bernstein

Find the courage to pursue your dream with the help of a COACH

A great way to find the courage to pursue your dream is by working with a coach. I think if I were to go back, I would have invested early on in a coach. Getting help from a coach can really push you forward.

Working with a coach builds accountability. A coach also understands the path that you’re on – often because they were on a similar path before. They help and guide you, proving support and encouragement along the way. And they give you key skills that will allow you to pick yourself up when you stumble (which you will do), to keep pushing even when it seems hopeless (which it will at moments).

I think the key part of being a coach is making sure that you succeed in the goal that is important for you. For me, that goal is helping you create the kind of life you want, not the life you settle for.

Making the decision to follow your passion and pursue the life you want takes courage, but it’s courage that you have. You just need to know how to use it.

For a free half-hour consultation with me, schedule a ZOOM call. In it, you can tell me your dream idea and the fears holding you back. Then I’ll tell you 3 things you can do right now to put you on the path of realizing your dream. Let’s get to it!

The post How To Find The Courage to Pursue Your Dream first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.

A couple of years ago, I considered it a normal part of my life that I would go through cycles of being super focused and productive, to crashing into burnout.

I specifically remember one burnout episode during my first year of medical school. I had had a busy semester, working hard, doing exams and assignments, really eager, productive, and determined to do well. And one day I just crashed. I burned out hard.

For the next two weeks, I binge-watched every episode of Poirot (I love murder mysteries!), ate lots of ice cream and chocolate, didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t answer my phone or messages, and I slept a lot. I was exhausted.

On top of this, I felt so guilty for feeling like this.

I thought if I was just strong enough, I wouldn’t be burnt out.

So, with each burnout episode, my self-confidence chipped away a little further. Even though I was considered Type A and by all traditional standards successful and ambitious, productive and determined, each time I burned out, a little voice inside my head was telling me:

If you were really all that people think, you wouldn’t be sitting on this couch binge-watching a show.
You see, it’s true what you’ve suspected all along, that you’re not really strong enough. You’re actually weak. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be exhausted right now.
Other people who are successful don’t experience this – you’re never going to be successful.

Slowly, burnout was destroying my self-confidence.

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• The Courageous Way You Can Prevent Burnout
• How to Find The Courage To Pursue Your Dream

Have you experienced burnout?

You’re definitely not alone. A recent Gallop study found that 23% of people felt burnt out very frequently or always burnout, while 44% experienced burn out sometimes.

This is a huge number of people! And I was definitely one of them.

Other people that have publicly talked about being burnt out include Arianna Huffington and Gloria Steinem.

What is burnout really?

Burnout is a combination of exhaustion, cynicism, and inefficacy that we feel all at once.

It happens because for a while we have been experiencing stress without any way of preventing or coping with it.

In a culture geared towards working hard, intense competition, “making it”, and success, we work exceptionally hard to get to where we want to be. We keep pushing ourselves without having checks along the way that will tell us if we’re overextending.

We keep putting stress on ourselves without coping with this stress, without stopping to let our body rest and adjust to the stressors. As a result, we eventually burn out.

Why does it matter?

Burnout is more than the exhaustion we feel while it is happening.

It is also more than the negative effects to our relationships.

I think, one of the biggest problems with burnout is the negative effect it has on self-confidence.

Each time we burnout, we are destroying our self-confidence – telling ourselves stories like:

If I were stronger, this wouldn’t be happening.
Other people don’t experience this – I must not be good enough.
I’ll never succeed in life because I’m weak – as shown by these repeated bouts of burnout.

What happens when burnout is destroying our self-confidence?

It’s interesting that the character traits that give these repeated cycles of burnout are often the same traits that made you incredibly successful – at least for a time.

It’s traits like, determination, hard work, relentless effort, long hours, grit, and perseverance that got you to where you are today: successful by any standards.

When it seems like the burnout was worth it

You worked relentlessly to finished a good school and to a good job. During this time, you may have experienced burnout once or many times. But it seemed worth it because it looks like you’re going to ride the corporate ladder as high as you can take it.

Why we need that self-confidence

But when that life is no longer leaving you feeling happy, challenged, and fulfilled, when you have an idea for a different career, or your own side hustle business, the self-confidence that has been chipping away for years with each burnout episode comes forward, left, right, and center.

Even though it seems like this new path is exciting, you are passionate about it, and it can give you the kind of lifestyle you want, (flexibility to travel, no boss, ability to work from home and spend time with family) fear-based thoughts start creeping in:

What makes me think I can do this?
I don’t know if I have what it takes to succeed in this.
I should just stick with what I know.
What if it doesn’t work – that will be so embarrassing.

These are fears that are caused by low self-confidence.

And this is important because, without self-confidence, these fears take away your strength and courage to do what you love in life, to embrace your dream and charge towards it.

I get how this feels.

After years of cycles of burnout, my self-confidence was running real low. When I started my job, I realized I wasn’t feeling challenged or excited anymore. I thought: is this why I worked so hard? Is this the end goal? It’s not as worth it as I was led to believe.

I had an idea for a side hustle business. Something that made me so excited, that gave me butterflies in my stomach. And just like you, I was worried whether I could do it. I didn’t know anything about business, because I came from a science background. What if it didn’t work? That would be so embarrassing.

And the feeling is very much a feeling of being stuck. You want to move forward, towards this life that you want, but you don’t know – you’ve been on this traditional path for too long.

Stopping burnout from destroying self-confidence & building up lost self-confidence

Preventing burnout to prevent more loss of self-confidence

Martha Beck once said that it’s hard to experience burnout when you’re doing what you love. I completely agree with this. I get tired, but I don’t get burnt out anymore.

If you’re still experiencing burnout, there are many things you can do to prevent it from happening. Be sure to check out this article: The Ultimate Guide to Burnout Prevention. In it, you’ll also find The Ultimate Journal for Burnout Prevention – for the busy professional.

Preventing burnout will stop burnout from destroying your self-confidence any more.

Improving already lost self-confidence

After I started doing what I love, I implemented key skills to increase my self-confidence. I worked on every one of those fears listed above. Fears that are routed in imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and fear of failure.

Through time, I’ve overcome each of these, to give myself the self-confidence and courage needed to take control of my life, and do what I love, what I think is important: helping other women embrace their true self and pursue the kind of life they want, not the one they settle for. No matter what other people think, no matter how strange it sounds, no matter if I fail or succeed.

And it was the best thing I ever decided.

If low self-confidence is preventing you from moving forward towards your dream, it is possible to deal with this! You don’t have to stay where you are now – in the unhappy job, doing what you think you “should” be doing, what a “responsible adult” looks like.

How to begin

Starting begins by making a commitment to yourself. Whether that is to read articles or books that help, signing up for a weekly newsletter that sends you weekly inspiration to keep you on track, finding someone on a similar journey to talk to and share your common troubles and successes.

Whatever it is, taking that first step is an important moment, because it gives you that first glimmer of hope that it can be different, that you just might be able to find the courage to embrace what you love, and lead the kind of life you want and deserve, not the life you settle for.

Comment below if burnout has been destroying your self-confidence and if you’re ready to take back your self-confidence and charge towards your passion!

The post The Bold Way Burnout is Destroying Your Self-Confidence first appeared on Dr. Sonja Adzovic.