By learning how to fail, C-students, now as adults, are able to take greater risks, pursue their dream, and not let judgement or fear of failure hold them back, while A-students – having always been praised for perfection – feel paralyzed to move toward their dream, having never learnt how to fail, but instead learned to above all else fear failure, and maintain their “perfect” persona image.
A little while ago, I started to notice that many women who were considered type A, who had gotten top marks in school and were A-students, who had arguably done everything right, were paralyzed. They literally looked stiff. They were unhappy, unfulfilled and they were working these corporate jobs or were doctors, lawyers, but still working for a salary. Yet these same former-A-students did not leave and pursue their dream.
I thought how strange it was. And then I started listening to various podcasts. I started hearing about people who dropped out of high school or were C-students, who had 7-figure businesses, who were rocking it and doing things we “doing-everything-right” ladies found terrifying to even think of.
And I thought, “What the hell?”
Table of Contents
What is going on?
Why do they get to live an amazing life while I grind away at my 9 to 5?
Let me just insert here that yes, I know not all dropouts and C-students have amazing lives now. And not all A-students are unhappy and working for someone else.
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- The Surprising Reason Perfectionism is Holding You Back
- 7 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism – and why you should
Who this article is for
But many former A-students are unhappy, unfulfilled, bored, unable to pursue their dream and this article is for them.
How C-students vs A-students act as adults
C-Students
So I started to look at these C students I once knew.
I once thought, they will never do anything with their life. But looking at them now, they are on Instagram live all the time, talking about their life and their product, they are opening businesses, jumping into their passion. Making mistakes, but moving forward at a dizzying pace.
And I realized they’re fearless.
A-students
So then I looked at us A-students. We did everything right. We worked hard, studied hard. Got top marks and built a reputation of smart, capable, reliable and ambitious. Everyone looked at us as such and we worked hard to maintain this reputation. We went to a great university and continued to work hard. Got a job afterwards. Where we are now.
But it didn’t really pay off. We’re working for someone else at a job that doesn’t challenge us, doesn’t leave us feeling fulfilled. That fire and determination we have has been traded in for complacency, boredom, and empty grinding away at a mundane schedule on endless repeat.
And yet, we terrified of making a chance. Of doing something else, branching off. A-students are terrified of taking the leap to pursue a dream side hustle or business.
Even the thought of taking a chance and switching career paths is enough to evoke anxiety, never mind to go off and start our own company on a topic that we are only recently finding out is our passion.
That is – doing the same thing C-students seem to do so effortlessly.
The more I thought about it, the more I was baffled.
The more I looked into it, I realized what it is
Why A-students don’t pursue their dream
It is perfectionism in its ugliest form.
These A-students have built a whole reputation of being smart, amazing, capable, perfect.
Parents, teachers, and other authority figures praised A-students for perfection. Being a child, you don’t know how to deal with this. You just see that being perfect means getting praise from people you want to be proud of you – your parents and teachers – the main authority figures in your life at that time.
So you quickly learned to be afraid of doing something poorly. You worried that failing at something would mean that those people would no longer think you are amazing.
With time, this becomes cemented as your reputation – you’re a smart, incredible, perfect woman.
And you’re terrified.
- Terrified of making a mistake and everyone will find out that all of that is not true.
- You’re terrified because you’re worried it’s not true.
- And you’re also worried, because that’s who you’ve become to believe is your identity – so if it’s not true, who are you then?
So you continue doing everything as perfectly as possible, making sure not to do anything that carries the risk of failure.
Why C-students do pursue their dream
Teachers, parents, and other authority figures did not praise the C-students in the same way.
Maybe they praised them for their effort or for getting a B.
But the main thing the C-students learned is how to fail.
And this is the best thing that happened to them.
They didn’t feel the pressure of expectations from those around them.
So they kind of just did their thing. With this came many mistakes. But they learned that these mistakes weren’t that big of a deal. There were few, if any, psychological consequences of failing – such as shame, disappointment, embarrassment. Compared to A-students, they didn’t have the feeling that they were disappointing someone or that someone would no longer be proud of them or that people would no longer think they are smart and amazing if they failed. Parents and teachers didn’t think that in the first place!
And that is what makes the C-students so amazing. That’s why I think they’re incredible.
Now as adults, they feel free to try and do different things. They feel they have the freedom to go and start a business. With no qualifications in that topic. No business degree. With no prior or formal knowledge how to do any of it or how to make it work.
They feel they can just talk about their product openly and make those cold calls and go to those meeting to network with others in the industry.
Basically they feel free to put themselves out there, no matter what mistakes or failures may happen as a result.
And a lot of the time, because of this freedom and determination, they succeed.
They create the business they are passionate about, work for themselves and have a lifestyle that suits them – whether it is jumping over to LA for the weekend or going mountain climbing in Switzerland.
Is there hope for the A-students?
And what about those A-students?
Even though they want all what these C-students have, they feel so scared to give it a try because that perfectionism and fear of failure that they learned as a kid is literally holding them back. It’s causing them to feel stuck, unable to move forward towards their dream, because the fear of failing has been around so long, has cemented itself into their identity, that moving forward feels as if your whole identity and who you are will fall apart, should you attempt and fail at creating your new dream.
And I think it’s not fair.
We worked so hard to get to where we are now! Sacrificed so much! We didn’t party and have the amazing 20’s everyone talks about.
And that’s why I talk about perfectionism. That’s why I coach about perfectionism – because I think perfectionism and the fear that comes with it should NOT hold anyone back.
Whether you were a C-student or an A-student like me, you deserve to live the life that you dream of. You deserve to have the courage to put yourself out there and go after your dream and the lifestyle you want.
You deserve to live the life you want, not the life you settle for.
Where you an A-student? Can you relate to the feeling shared in this article? Comment below to let me know!
